Damaged – “Everyone Fakes It Sweetie — Now Smile.”

(Hey precious — Happy new year! 🎈🎈🎈
2016 was an amazing year for me and for my blog, LemonsLemonade.com.
Thank you for contributing to that if this isn’t your first time here (and hey there if it is!) — I am honestly grateful.
I am however looking to try a lot of new things this new year.
Vlogging would be second.
But first, because a lot of my most dedicated readers have constantly been asking for this, I’d be starting an Inspirational fiction series on the blog, this one called Damaged.
It’ll be about life, about love, hope, courage, strength,vulnerabilities and mostly how damaged too many of us have become, because ourselves, and because them.
Do leave me a comment about your thoughts on this Prologue or anything else please, I’d really appreciate it — Enjoy!)

 
 
 

“Or you could simply throw down a few inches of compost and fake it. That’s what we do, isn’t it? Do the best with what we have? It’s not lying, dear. Don’t look at it that way. It’s hopeful pretending. Consider it your patriotic duty.”
― Na, I’ll Be Seeing To

 
 
 
 
 

                                PROLOGUE

 
 

Oh yessss.
Yes. Yes, it was pretty.
Too pretty.
And black. My favorite color.
How did she possibly find something this perfect?
Bless her beautiful face and make those adorable dimples on her cheeks go deeper.
Best maidservant ever.
Yes. Yes, it was perfect.
Maybe Simon might even say something tomorrow night.

I smiled at the pleasant thought and slid into the soft warm comfort that was all mine.
Le sigh.

“What is that?”

Oh crap.
Not now.
I turned to the door.
It was she.

How does one human with just two round organs called the eyes, sap out every life from another?
She motioned for me with her index finger, standing at my door.

“I said come closer!” she ordered out loud this time.
And I suddenly felt my mouth go awfully dry.
Is that normal?
I’m not sure how my feet find its way, but those babies did.
Oh wait.
They’re heading the wrong way.
I was backing away from her.
She approached me swiftly and then I saw it in her right hand.
And then it was all over me.
Slicing all over my pretty black dress.
It happened too fast for me to react, and then it stopped.
I could only look at the result.

“It was doing too much on you,” she finally said, “look how happy it made you, is that how sad and empty your insides have been?
That a piece of clothing could feel it up so quickly and so well?
Is that how desolate and bare your soul has become?
Is that how needy and dampened your spirits are now?”

She snatched the red lipstick I had in my hand and pressed it against the wall with such force, right above my head.
I dropped to the ground.

“Where did you get all this?” she continued, her black pointy scrubs tapping against the slippery tiles.
Maybe if I stayed quiet, she would go away.

She pulled me up from the floor and out of my thoughts.
“What are you doing with this?” she screamed, shoving the disfigured lipstick into my face.
“I’m sorry!”
“Don’t tell me that new slave got all this for your birthday?”
I nodded.
“I knew I didn’t like that one.
Like a fat snake in those dreadfully tight dresses of hers.
She’d be gone by morning, I’d make sure of that.
She’d turn you to a little lost thing right under my nose.
All those magazine girls with their skirts too short and their make-ups too loud.
With more skin than clothes, and with more vanity than dignity left.
And that’s what’s making you happy? The thought of being like one of them?”

I didn’t want to look up into that face.
The fear of what my eyes would see was disturbing.
I felt dirty.
Then she crouched down to me.
With one cold finger, she lifted up my chin.
“This is for the ones craving attention my darling, the ones burning to be used by the wicked one for evil works.
The ones with needy emotions and with gullible hearts.
The ones who attract in the serpents and still cry when they’re bitten.
You want to be like them now?
You are not like them.”

I turned away as my lips trembled.
“You smell like insecurity.”
But I just took a shower, I thought.
“But you also smell like shame — good.”
I could hear the smile in her voice.

I placed a hand over my lips and the other on my chest.
It was starting to hurt again.
Why was it so moist in here all of a sudden?
It was also quiet now, and all I could hear was my heartbeat.
Hammering louder than Uncle Peter’s chisel when he was nailing up that ugly old family portrait of my ancestors.
Was she still there?

I looked up slowly.
 
Mother was gone.

I dragged myself up to my feet and wrapped my skinny arms around my body, my eyes fixed on the red lipstick stain that had tainted the fresh white walls.
I walked to my mirror.
I wasn’t allowed to look into it too much, Mother said that was vain, but I looked into it.
Maybe I should have locked my door first but I looked into it anyway.
My dress was ugly.
I tore it off mercilessly, dragging my tiny fingers and finishing what mother’s razor blade had started.
Ugly ugly dress.
Look at you — have you no shame?!

I knelt before my mirror.
Now I looked like insecurity.
This must be what it looks like.
Right?
Tattered, ugly, worn out, leaking and wasting into emptiness.
What did I smell like?
What does insecurity smell like?
Was it insecurities hurting in my chest or was that the shame that didn’t crawl out with mother?

I looked at my stained white wall.
I just liked the color red.
Was that wrong too?

I rubbed my pinky finger over the stain.
Such a lovely color.
I touched it to my lips.
Maybe insecurity didn’t smell so bad after all.
I saw a bit of the red on my teeth and rubbed my tongue over it.
And maybe it isn’t such a bad taste to carry all through your life.
Maybe you could wash it down every once in a while when a new dress came and didn’t get ripped off your body while on your body, and maybe you could wash it down when you got a smile from the boy you like, and maybe you could wash it down when you and your mother aren’t screaming at each other.

Maybe you could smile and maybe smile so wide no one notices that stain against the whiteness of your teeth.

Maybe I could live with this.

Maybe I could live like this.

Right?

 
 
 
 
( Thoughts, anyone? Pretty please? )

 
 
Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com

More Juice?

  • Really great piece of writing. I totally get what you mean about feeling damaged but picking up all the pieces in private, because others have no idea what you’re going through.

  • Congratulations on starting a vlog. I thought the prologue was interesting.

  • Lemachi

    Gulp*. That was intense

  • I love the idea of doing an inspirational fiction series. And I say YES to vlogging!!

  • Great job! I think so many people feel damaged and hide it behind a smile! It’s sad! Thanks for sharing! Nikki x

    http://www.twentysomethingmuddle.com

    • Thanks Nikki, and yes, it truly is 🙂

  • Wow, very intense and really great! Others really do not know what one is going through. I always think of that when I see others…Who knows what struggle they might be going through right now…

    • Yeah, we all have to deal with our own demons personally.

  • Good luck with vlogging. I’m not sure if I could ever do that. I’m not sure if I could ever stay on track.

    • Thanks Amber, always a good idea to try something new!

  • I’m big on inspirational fiction! There’s something wonderfully addicting about it. Great piece. Looking forward to more <3 Happy New Year!

  • That’s a great prologue really captured my imagination and made me want to read on.

    • Aww thanks Lisa, so good to hear that!

  • Great one dearie…. Keep rocking it.

  • Damage can scar you and leave a forever impact in your life. Damage from anything, anyone or from anywhere we let it in.

  • Happy New Year! The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence…but who really knows what is on the other side?! Loved your prologue!

    • Thank you Milica, and a happy new year to you too 🙂

  • Utibe Bassey

    Great piece. I love this. Keep up the good work

  • I totally get this! Wonderful piece of writing. I’m also happy to hear that 2016 treated you well. 🙂

  • Nifesimi

    OmG this is really good…

    • Thank you dearie, so glad you think so!

  • WOW!!! This is amazing, you are doing phenomenal things just at 18,keep it up!!! Also, are you from Calabar? I’m half Efik and recognise your name. Happy New Year sis

    • Thank you Victoria, and yes, that’s my place 🙂
      Always awesome to meet a fellow sister — happy new year darling!

  • Great job! 2017 is about new challenges!! Im excited to hear you are starting this piece and also trying out vlogging! Good luck and cant wait to read more!

    • Yup, time to try new things — thank you!

  • Emily

    This is so interesting and inspiring. Looking forward to what you have got coming up next! Good luck with the vlogging.

  • This was wonderful!
    Full of insight!
    xo, Shell
    http://acourageousbeauty.com

  • Most of my life has been spent hiding behind my smile and, yes, my friends and even my kids know it. Very interesting and good luck to your vlogging 😀 Your writing resonates with me.

    • Aww thank you Michelle, and I do hope you keep reading!

  • I’m glad 2016 was a great year for your blog. You’re doing great! I love this idea for an inspirational fiction series. I think it’s very well written. Looking forward to more!

    • Thanks for Carola, more would definitely be coming 🙂

  • Beautifully written, I’m sure your vlogs will be amazing just as your blog is xx

    Damiloves blog

  • hal bloss

    Inspiration writing – nice! Glad you had a great 2016 and hope you have a wonderful new year in all your endeavors – good luck!

    • Thank you so much, I wish you the same!

  • Wow. I think it’s a great idea to share an inspirational story on your blog. It’ll probably reach a lot of people who could use some inspiration.

  • Very well done, so gripping. Keep it up! Have a great year!

    • Thank you so much Sondra, have a great new year!

  • Rachel

    That’s cool you are doing vlogging. This piece was “relatable” to so many people. No one wants to be seen as damage and we do what we can to be discrete. Thanks for sharing.

  • This is awesome! How often are you going to be posting these stories? This first one is so relateable and so well written.

    • I hope to post every week or two weeks and I sure hope I can stick to it 🙂

  • I’m a big reader so you know I am in. I will read it.

  • Picking up pieces and trying again that’s tide. Damaged we all are but it’s the mending that matters. Great post.

  • Olaitan Bobade

    Heyy Ima! Happy New Year. It’s not too late right. I think vlogging would be nice. I just don’t see myself doing it anytime soon because school problems. Lol. Hope you’re good. Have a great year.
    LIFE| HELLO 2017
    http://Www.laitanbee.com

    • Happy new year darling
      And I totally get, school just began and I’m totally stressed, already!
      Lol
      Have a great year

  • Now that’s a good idea – writing a novel in sequence and post it on the blog! The topic is good as I am sure everyone will be able to relate. I’ll be following up <3

  • Elena Stevkovska

    I love your post. It is way more different than anything else I see on the Internet, so Kudos for being unique!!!