Five Practical Tips For The Next Time You’re Losing It

  “Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you.
However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn’t learn a thing…If He (God) brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve?”
 

• Shannon L. Alder

 
 

So the only person I’m mad at right now is my body.
Though I can tell it’s not exactly happy with me too.
Long (super painful) story cut short, I’ve been seriously sick more than ever for over a week now, (so do send in your prayers people — Christmas is sunday!)
But this case is sorta different.
No matter how mad I am at my body for bringing me so much discomfort at my favorite time of the year and less than a week to my birthday, I’m learning to act right towards it as well.

I’ve come to be a lot more patient with people too.
Because things get “un-pretty” fast when I’m not.

And I know we all have those days.
When we’d be this close to snapping.

The unemployed single mother with three kids would be this close.
The student faced with dozens of forthcoming exams would be this close.
The husband with the deadline at work would be this close.
The one who’ve been abused or forgotten or dehumanized or lost would be this close.

And then come the people who know how to push all the wrong buttons whenever they wish.

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(Trust me , someone would gladly attempt to ruin your Christmas morning if you let them.)
Unfortunately though, things never end right.
On the contrary, people get burned. Blood pressures take a hike. Mistakes are made. Words that weren’t supposed to be said were said. Things that shouldn’t have taken place take place.

And we often times wish we’d had the patience and will-power to have taken smarter decisions.

So the next time you’re seconds away from losing it, you might want to try to remember a couple anger management tips — here are my favourite five that I’m always working with:
 
5. Put It ALL On A Pause.
      
  Picture this with me:

You get home, later than you should, tired after a long, hot, crazy day.
All you want to do is take a super-hot bath, eat the meal you’d thankfully remembered to fix down earlier in the day, and crawl into bed.

You get into the house and find for some reasons, the lights are out. No one remembered to pay the light bills. Again. As you romance that part in your head, heading for the kitchen, you turn the entire place upside down and still can’t find your meal. Oh, look at that. There it is. In the sink. Empty and plate unwashed.

You still feel hot and very sticky. Your bones are aching to the marrows. Your tummy is grumbling greedily.

It’s hard to not throw a tantrum and go crazy here.
Everything seems to be asking for it.
But you know how ugly it’ll end, especially on a hungry stomach too.
It’ll look like it’ll be worth it, but it won’t.

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Count to ten. Practice the pause. Pause it all.
Force your brain to not think of it.
Think of your newest most precious possession. Your last or forthcoming birthday party.
How excited we all were when we finally figured out who A is in the 6th season of Pretty Little Liars.
Anything.

Just nothing related to what your head is raging to feed on.
Take long deep breaths and count the time consciously in your head if nothing else.
Just like counting Sheeps honestly helps most people fall asleep, focusing on counting numbers can distract as well.
And at ten, come back to reality.
If you did it just right, a bit of calmness, no matter how little, would have had enough time to sneak in.

And when some of that anger seeps out, a bit of positive energy and common sense finds its way in.
 
4. See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil.
Now act.

  Picture this with me as the part two of the scenario I painted above.
So in this picture, we can all see two things clearly:
 You are totally right to be upset.
 Everyone else should see that.
Anyone with a quarter of a brain would see that.

However no one understands why you’re so pissed.
“You’re exaggerating.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Stop taking everything too seriously.”
And your entire system knows it’s getting disrespected and is ready to snap. Hard.
I feel you, darling.

Remember those three monkeys that populated the saying, “See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil?”

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(Yes. So I thought this frog version looked cute. Pardon me.)

But take a cue from them.
Practice what I like to call the See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil.
How?
Eyes shut, lips closed, ear filters on. (And no, I’m not talking about ear or headphones here).
People, if you pay attention to everything people do or say or act, you’d automatically be giving away so much of your power.
That much I know.
So if you can, turn your back away, for about ten seconds of your time.
The goal here is to bring under control those three organs.
After you are sure that’s been achieved to a sensible extent, act now.
And by acting, that’ll mean respond now.
Verbally, would you?
Verbally.
With the kind of grammar your junior high English teacher would be excited to hear you still use.
And slowly.
When upset, it is recommended to speak as slowly as you possibly can, and with a below average tone of voice, as it helps to control your anger and manage situations better.
As softly and low as you can force it to be.
So that right before delivering your words, you’re actually thinking.
So your lips aren’t moving faster than your head.
Now act.
 
3 Build A Barrier Fence. Asap.
        
  You’ve been pushed to the extreme, you’ve had it, and you’re steaming and overflowing from anger.
It looks rather late to practice method 5 and 4.
Anger has found its way into the picture, and usually where it starts with words, it ends without action.
It’s time to put up a wall.

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(Amd probably with less venom.)
Now Psychology has taught that body positions in different circumstances give out a lot of signals.
A shy person has averted eyes and keeps touching their face or hair or clothing, a liar can’t look into the eyes for so long.

For a person angered and ready to get physical, eyes are fixated, fists are clenched, body leaned forward.
When these signals are starting to buckle up, making efforts to display the exact opposite can do a lot of good.
I have a friend who when he gets mad,  starts to suddenly withdraw backwards, hands behind his back.
Imagine being yelled at through your door, and instead locking yourself in, kicking the keys underneath your bed.
When the emotions are screaming left, intentionally do right.
Your emotions should not rule, that’s the work of your head.
 
  2.  Consider finding an outlet.

So you seem to snap at the slightest random things.
A joke about your new haircut from your best friend.
A question on why you don’t seem to be that friendly.
A request to clean up your room already.
A playful taunt, something that requires a sense of humour.
It’s not looking funny one bit.

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If you can see yourself here, then it’s probably time to find an outlet and find it fast.

Sometimes, thanks to a stressed out body system, we pent up a lot of negative energy in us, just watching out for even the littlest tug to explode.
And you need to let it out.
Considering working out would also be an excellent idea as an antioxidant tool.
It helps burn out a lot, not just all that fat.
Sometimes simply turning to a pastime, one with a lot of physical hard work preferably, could do a whole lot of good.
Take a walk, take deep breaths and let out all of that negative energy.
 
1. Bottle it up for when the air cools down.

Sometimes things get so heated all you should do is walk away.
Emotionless.
For that moment.
And let it die down unattended to for a while.

  And so now it’s one of those precious moments you’re getting along with the people who on a normal day, brings out the very worst in you.
Drives you crazy.
Or situations.

This usually is a great time to iron things out or examine them critically.
Make sure it’s a happy moment.

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Take time out to ask yourself why you hardly ever see this side very often, and if it’s with a person, it is also right timing to have a conversation about why things get nasty fast and what could be done about it.
Keep in mind that things can get nastier faster if a wrong approach is taken at this point.

Using more of “I feel” and “I think” are better phrases than “You…”

And try not to push anything too far.
Don’t set off to ruin a good moment just because it’s good.
Keep it more on you and your perceptions, than on the other person.

 

And finally, if I’ve been talking too much and you think all of this might be tough to recollect, take this as a synopsis:

• stop, then go.

If we actually took three seconds to stop, before acting, we’d do so much better with ourselves.
Don’t just jump in.
Don’t just react.
Don’t just make assumptions automatically.

React outwardly a tiny bit gently.
Say less.
Dwell on matters less.
When trying to get a point across and it’s back firing at you, or ignored, it’s not weakness if you choose to walk away.
It’s you strengthening yourself.
It’s you being the tougher, bigger person.

And just so you know, without consistent and conscious effort to implement these actions during times of needs, results would never spring forth.
It’s hard, and it takes time to get adjust to.
It’ll require humility, self-discipline and determination.
You need to be ready.
 
So I dare you to try it.
Surprise someone today.
Don’t take that which you always take personally personally, don’t get all dramatic when that one thing tries to get you upset as usual.
Just once.
Surprise yourself.
   
So, talk to me, how do you manage your anger?
What do you do?
Have you ever gotten mad and had regrets afterwards?
Let’s talk through the comments section please!

 
And yes, so I’m still on bed rest and all, so I probably won’t be doing too much promoting on this article as I’d love to, if you got someone who needs to see this, share the heck out of this to them — thank you!

Christmas post, personal development blog, lifestyle blogs, Nigerian teenage bloggers, what to do with anger

 

A merry merry Christmas in advance!

Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com

           

More Juice?

  • What fabulous tips! I usually stuff my face with chocolate and that helps when I’m losing it.

  • this is so true and applicable!
    I’ve also learned how body positions affect inward emotions. Thanks for the precious tips 🙂

    • Yeah, it really does once you know how to bring it under control!
      Thanks for dropping by, Edira.

  • Sending you huge hugs this Christmas girl! Great tips though, just need to remember to hold on to them x

    http://www.twentysomethingmuddle.com

    • Thank you so much Nikki, and I hope you do! 🙂

  • Neh

    OMG was just in need of something motivational like this, thanks so much for sharing xo

  • I hope you’ll feel better! It’s true that sometimes our greatest enemies are ourselves! But at least we still choose to be happy. Thank you for the great tips!

    • So true Karen
      It all begins with one’s self.
      And thank you for the good wishes 🙂

  • Brilliant tips to stay within yourself and be calm. Hope you get to feeling better!

    Mark
    minimalistlifestyle.wordpress.com

  • I’m so glad that you are taking care of yourself being so young! We all need to hold on to these wonderful points that you’ve listed. Wish you a Happy Christmas! <3

    xoxo
    Radhika
    Expressing Life

    • Thank you so much, and a very Merry Christmas to you 🙂

  • These are great tips! I do sometimes get angry over small things but I’m working on it. Lol.

    • Hehe
      Best of luck Briana, I do hope this helps!

  • Jason Young

    Find yourself an outlet. Stay busy and remember that most people out there don’t matter.

  • your gifs are always epic! your posts are just some of the best motivational posts on the internet! Love that first quote about forgetting what hurt you in the past.

    • Aww thank you Ellie darling 🙂
      I’m a very visual person so I like to dish that out too.
      Plus I’m glad you liked the quote!

  • These are great tips! I always just walk away whenever I feel like I’m about to explode.

    Belle | One Awesome Momma

  • These are super tips! I have lost it and really felt terrible afterward. My go- to action when I think I am going to lose it is I remove myself from the situation immediately. I need to put some of your tips in practice too:)

    • It’s always a smart move to just isolate yourself before any thing else, works so well for me too 🙂

  • I hope you are getting better now. Happy birthday in advance.

    Great tips up there

    http://Www.molarabrown.com

  • Great tips. I like the one about counting to 10. Sometimes that helps 🙂

    • That one helps me, most especially when I’m more of disappointed than mad.

  • I hope you feel better for Christmas and your birthday! These are great tips that i definitely need to remember!

    • Thank you so much Marie,and I’m trusting I will 🙂

  • I really could have used this the other day. I love the rawness of this post. It is real and so helpful! Thank you!

    • Thank you Kristi, so glad to hear you think so 🙂

  • I feel like a lot of people should read this around Christmas. Chill out Christmas is fun not crazy

  • I love the positive outlook and tips!

    xoxo
    Isaly Holland
    http://www.memoriesbyisaly.com

    • Aww thank you Isaly
      So glad to hear you do 🙂

  • Leigh Borders

    Great post! You definitely have to stay in control when you feel you are about to lose it.

  • Great advice, I’m sure we can all relate to feeling like we’ve been pushed to the edge. I hope you get well before Christmas!

  • Lol, your practical tips make complete sense! If I paused more, I if noone else might feel better. I like the see no evil, hear no evil speak no evil! Ahh life as a parent , life as an adult.

  • When I feel I’m about to loose control of things I meditation. Meditation helps me see things clearer, think positive and stay calm.

    • Yes, meditation is definitely an awesome way to discard a lot of negative energy 🙂

  • These are really great tips. I find that I really do so much better if I stop my first initial reaction and take the time to just sit with whatever I am reacting to before I react. The key for me is to remember to stop before just blurting out my reactions.

  • Elizabeth O.

    Very good tips. It’s important to make sure that you’re calm before your interact with people. Which is often why I isolate myself when I’m starting to lose my patience. I think these are all worth taking note of.

  • Cristina L.

    Awesome tips. For me, wine is the solution.

    • Hehe
      Not too much I hope 😀
      Good to know that works for you!

  • Your words are very honest and real. Thanks for these great tips on keeping cool.

  • These are some excellent tips. It’s so easy to lose it under stress (I know from experience!). I need to try some of these tactics the next time my family drive me up the wall!

  • Chante

    I like to just tune everyone and everything out…. I have my own space so this is perfect

  • Awesome as always dearie! It’s nice to have you back!

  • Great post! Love your profile its so inspirational and motivating all the time.

  • What a great ideas ! Thank you for sharing this!

  • A very Merry Christmas to you too. It’s important to keep it together when you are losing it.

  • Krystle Cook

    These are all such great tips. Sometimes it does help to just take a step back from everything.

  • Our Family World

    These days, the holiday season and the perks along with it might not be enough to keep us all sane. I would love to just lie on the bed and surround myself with kittens and pillows.

  • I just love this. I’m notorious for putting it on pause.

  • Sending you warm thoughts and prayer your way this Christmas season! I really like the quote by Shannon L. Alder. I could relate to this. Love your tips of keeping cool! Happy holiday to you!

    • Aww thank you so much and merry Christmas!

  • Samantha

    Great tips! Especially with the holidays here. I am losing my temper more than ever!

    • Lol best of luck keeping it under check 🙂

  • These are excellent tips that will serve us all well.

  • Some great tips that could help many. At the end of the day staying calm & controlling your own emotions would always help. I just stay away all alone when I know nothing is working out!

    • Yup, it all starts with learning to control your emotions!

  • Having a positive mindset can really help you on this one. I can’t remember the last time I completely lost it. But these tips are so useful!

  • hahaha, i feel like ineed to print these tips out! or take a mental note because it seems like i almost loose my shhh once a day hahaha.

    • Lol well I do hope this helps as time goes on 🙂

  • When I’m losing my mind, i like to go outside, breathe deep and walk it off. Think before I speak or act. Ask myself “will this matter tomorrow” or “does this really effect me in any way”…

    • And that’s a perfect way to look at it!

  • Nifesimi

    Thanks Ima…exactly what I’m going through…this will definitely help

    • I sure hope so,thanks for stopping by darling!

  • blair villanueva

    When I lose controo, I decided to not give a damn and just let it happen.. Because my time are too precious for negativities.

    • And negativity can honestly be so exhausting!

  • hope you feel better for your birthday!!! When is it though? my sister’s the 28th.. merry Christmas dear
    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com

    • Aww really
      I’m 27th Hun
      Merry Christmas!

  • Kait

    I really like the idea of putting it on pause! That’s definitely a concept that I need to learn!

  • Great tips! I try not to control. Then you can’t lose it ;). I try not focus on how I want things to go. But just focus on now. And see what I can do at this moment. I really like tip number 1. I can relate to that!

    • So good to hear you can, Carola.
      Thank you so much for stopping by!

  • Olaitan Bobade

    How’s your body now? Trust you’re feeling better. Tomorrow is your birthday. Yaay. Happy Birthday dear. Best wishes and have lots of fun.xx
    My Top 5 Favourite Things About Christmas
    http://Www.laitanbee.com

    • Thank you sweetheart, getting stronger by the day!

  • Oh I love that frog gif too! Frogs are so cute 🙂

    I was also ill on Christmas day. I got ill about 2 weeks before and I was still ill! I really hope I manage to shift it as I have to sing at a gig on New Years Eve so fingers crossed! I’m not sure how old you are but I found that as I got older (now nearly 35!!!) I’ve managed to remain calm ALOT easier under circumstances than I did in my 20s. I think it gets better with age if that helps! Ree Love30

    • Yeah, so I hear
      And so sorry to hear you’ve been ill too — quick recovery for us both!

  • lex

    Find it hard attymes to hold on, but best of for me i walk away but in other cases i dont.will go through this over and over as I need this. Hugs and Happy Holidays to you.

  • Such a powerful and wonderful message! I try not to waste my time and energy on negativity, so I always stay positive no matter what! The world is full of nice people!

  • This post is apsolutely amazing! So inspirational and kind! I’m so proud because of you thank
    You for all these tips. I wish you all the best in 2017!

  • Hey Ima, its been so long!! Sorry I allowed school get the best of me.
    When ever I’m angry I count to ten, doesn’t help much but atleast it stops me from insulting the person, then I write too, food helps me too lol

    lemonadesociety.blogspot.com

    • Lol a hungry man is definitely pretty mad too.
      And I get dear, school is draining me by the day as well.
      So good to hear from you again 🙂