Lonely Much? Here Are Fifteen Things You Probably Don’t See

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
 
 
 
Ah.
Liz Gilbert’s words give me life every time.
Hey there, love!
I’m back.

via GIPHY

Hehe.
Okay, so I didn’t really go anywhere. But I didn’t post a new article on Friday, and so a couple of people assumed I was starting to give up on my baby.
No no.
See, I started to realize I was mounting too much pressure on myself.
Dropping a new post twice a week, with the right graphics, each about 1300 words on average, and needing to find enough time to promote and optimize and so much more.
I was stressing.
And this is blogging — you can always find your own path that works!
So I’m cutting it down to once a week and then five, six days to share it around as I like, and still have time to handle school issues and every other thing on the side.
 
So. Back to the matter.
Chronic loneliness (yeah, it’s a thing) is regarded as a modern day epidemic.
According to an article I stumbled upon over the weekend, we are supposedly more connected than ever but one in ten people feel lonely often and 48 per cent of people think they’re getting lonelier in general.
If you’re suffering from chronic loneliness, you should probably talk to the right people.
Medical practitioners, if you think you need to.
A cousin of mine had a similar experience that got really really ugly.
But today, I’m sharing 16 important reminders for anyone who’s sinking into it with everyday that passes by — here we go:
 
1. Sometimes, it’s not always that you have no one around.
It could also be: Are you intentionally pulling away and isolating yourself?
And why?
This could be a really good thing however, especially if you do not exactly feel wanted with them or they do things that grow an unhealthy mindset in your head.
But you need to figure out the why.
 
2. There are so many amazing people you haven’t even met willing to be amazing to you. Find some today.

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If you even think you need new set of company, find them.
Lately I’ve been on this.
Not because I want to change all the people I’m surrounded by — I love a handful of them.
But I’m trying to find new people that I vibe with.
Trust me, any time you do, it’s super refreshing.
 
3. Sometimes, loneliness springs up from other sources we aren’t paying attention to.
Sometimes it’s guilt, sometimes it’s insecurities, sometimes from the very much loved social media, sometimes it’s lack of attention even from the home front, sometimes it’s stress.
This is something only you can sincerely answer — what kick-starts this loneliness and why?
 
4. You learn through loneliness that not everyone takes away the loneliness because they’re around.
Some people make it more obvious.
Some people worsen it all.
I’ve been there. I know.
 
5. Just because you do not want to be lonely doesn’t mean you still cannot be selective.
Because it hurts a zillion times more.
When you’re surrounded by the ones looking to take advantage of your vulnerabilities.
Be selective. Filter. Choose to have some taste. Always.
 
6. A couple of people may find your present condition so absurd it turns comical.

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Shocking?
Welcome to the human race.
I actually told someone I was working on this article Friday afternoon and he actually went “Lool.”
It’s unfortunately people like this who do not see that depression and chronic loneliness is a leading cause of suicide and no, these people aren’t playing around.
They’re not just looking for attention.
They honestly need help.
 
7. A couple of people may start to stay away from you.
Most especially if it’s written over you.
Desperation isn’t something you can control at this point, but it’s not the most attractive thing.
Some of the ones you expect to be there, just won’t.
But don’t take it too personal, sometimes they’re just not sure where to start from.
And most importantly, you are the first helper you need to pull yourself out.
You. Remember that.
 
8. Everyone isn’t going to leave.
And that’s the good part.
Some people know how to love your pretty and not so pretty parts.
They’re pretty special that way.
You just have to let them in, and you just have to actually want all of that love and care and support.
Which leads to the next pointer;
 
9. Loneliness doesn’t go away on it’s own.
You need to want your joy and your happiness and your life and living back.
That’s where it all starts.
Are you willing to stop feeling sorry for yourself and want better?
 
10. There’s no need to hoard up bitterness in your heart during those lonely days.
Too many lonely people are bitter.
Angry with the world and eveyone would isn’t in their shoes and cannot possibly understand it.

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(Oh darling, everyone isn’t acting, some of us are still moved when we see someone else hurting)
Plus all that venom? Doesn’t change anything.
Do not let this world make you that hard.
“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
 
11. Sometimes our own insecurities are the problem.
What do I mean?
I mean sometimes people aren’t ignoring you, sometimes they’re busy.
Sometimes they can’t tell you need attention till you actually say it.
Suck up your pride, put aside your timidity.
Most people don’t read minds.
 
12.  Find something you genuinely love and get lost in it.
It goes a long way.
Lose yourself in it.
True satisfaction is derived from how much you give out, not getting.
 
13. Science says loneliness can actually affect your immune system, make you feel like your entire body is under attack, increase your chances of cardio vascular diseases and give you a cold.
Seriously. Literally.
 
14. No matter what you think, now is NOT the time to find just one person to shove all your love and time and affection and energy does their throat.

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Do not.
It’s the most dangerous thing you can do.
Don’t hog anyone like that.
 
15. If you can become your own friend, your loneliness dramatically drops.
Understand yourself. Know your strengths and work on your weakness.
Find peace in solitude.
And someday, you’d finally be able to say to yourself:

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
 
Know anyone who needs to see this as well?

You’re very welcome to share the heck out of this post 🙂
 
Happy Monday, sending plenty of love to everyone this season!

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Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com

More Juice?

  • Wow, I’ve actually never thought about this before. Great post thanks for sharing love xx

    • We learn something new every day.
      I’m glad you thought it was great, Neha.
      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  • Jen

    I am an introvert and thus I’m very comfortable with myself. I have friends at work and a husband to talk to, but outside of that, I don’t maintain any other friendships. I wouldn’t consider myself lonely … actually I feel rather content. A lot of your ideas are spot on though I think as far as why some people might feel that way. Especially with technology, our whole way of communicating with each other has changed so much since I was your age. (We had rotary phones back then1). Just wanted to say, lovely blog!

    • Hehe
      Good to see an introvert that knows how to balance her life pretty well.
      Plus, I think communication is the greatest problem we have today, we’re just not doing it right anymore.
      And thank you so much for the compliment,Jen!

  • Lara

    wonderful piece

  • Have you seen the recent Sandy Hook video? It’s targeted at parents and teachers, but I personally think everyone needs to take a look. The message being, “people who are lonely are giving off signs. Every day. And we have to make sure to be observant and notice them.”
    It’s definitely opened my eyes – quite literally – to the people around me. Loneliness is a spectrum. But, as a teacher, I feel like, no matter where my kids are on that spectrum, I want them to know that there is a productive way of coping with it.

    • Yes!
      I haven’t seen Sandy Hook’s latest video but I’d go hunting for it right now.
      And yes, people who battle with loneliness are giving off signs in some many ways, we just need to actually open our eyes to see it.

  • I can relate to some of the gifs posted above, by the way Bates Motel (LOVE IT) also I can relate to these lonely much because I suffer from depression and that is never fun either.

    • I’m sure it’s not.
      But there is nothing one cannot overcome if you put your heart and mind to it, Tara L.
      We possess so much power.

  • I don’t mind being alone at all. I’m an only child so I was always used to the quiet. Sometimes it freaks me out how much I enjoy being alone and I have to force myself to talk to others. I just don’t mind being with myself I guess!

    • Lol, I had a quiet childhood which has made me love my space a bit too much, but still, no man is an island.

  • Great post, number 15 is it! Sometimes solitude teaches us so much about ourselves and it can help us grow. Reaching out to others is also great, showing love when we feel unloved can be a rewarding experience.

    Damiloves blog

    • It sure is, I know I derive so much pleasure when I reach out to someone in need.

  • These are great tips to dive into and try to change if you are feeling lonely, or some of them that are facts – accept. I live in DC where feeling lonely is definitely an epidemic, despite being surrounded by people.

    • And that’s quite sad.
      But we can always do something about this, and it starts with those closest to you.

  • I’ve talked to several people lately about the feeling of loneliness. We can complain about it, but we also must put ourselves out there a bit too. I’ve made a promise to reach out to someone a few times each month to say hi, let’s grab lunch or something. Cause sometimes others are afraid to ask you to hang out. The whole connection thing. Yes, we are connected via social media, but we still need face to face interaction and phone calls. It makes a world of difference.

    • Exactly.
      We need to drop our phones more and actually connect with the ones that are important to us.
      Text messages cannot convey emotions well enough!

  • Loneliness hurts! These are good reminders that reaching out, getting some love, and asking for help can all help—especially during the holiday season.

    • Yup,most especially in this season of love, it’s a good idea to reach out to as many people as we can.

  • I have some friends who suffer from depression. I have learned when to give them space and when to get in their face and not go away. Blog as much or as little as you want. Remember it is your blog, your time and energy.

    • Yeah, giving them space is also super important.
      And yes, I’ve come to understand that this is my blog, and I have the freedom to run it in the way that suits me!

  • I’m guilty of intentionally isolating myself, for sure! I’m an introvert and have so much professional interaction during the day, I can’t take too much in my downtime. But then I get lonely because I’ve isolated myself, haha!

    • Lol, you sound like an older version of me!

  • Thanks for this post. I certainly learned a lot about loneliness and it’s affect on us as people! I think it’s especially interesting that it can affect our immune system! No wonder people get sick more often in the winter time when they’re inside and by themselves more.

    • And I didn’t even consider that, that’s so true!
      We all need company and it’s important we actually consciously find and grow the right relationships.

  • Really good advice here and thought provoking writing…really spoke to me,t hanks for sharing!

    Valerie

    • Thank you Valerie
      I’m glad to hear that!

  • This is very interesting post. I don’t have problem with loneliness, but some of my friends have that problem and I know how much that can be difficult…

  • Trust me, I’ve been in this situation multiple times! Loneliness made me neglect my blog and lost motivation but I’m trying to get back to it. Communication is definitely important but seems to be hard to do at times.

    • Yeah, it can be tough especially if you’re an introvert.
      But I think that’s most important, you’d need to have someone to talk to properly on those days.

  • This is such an awesome post! There are many people out there that feel lonely ESPECIALLY around this time of year and they definitely need to see this. I have to share this post. 🙂

    • Aww thanks darling.
      And I sure hope this is comforting to a lot of people 🙂

  • I’m an extrovert that needs some alone time each day. It doesn’t happen but I enjoy it for like a couple of hours at a time.

    • I always make out “alone time” too — so important for me to recharge!

  • Oh my goodness! I’ve never thought about loneliness in these terms like this. You really shined a light on a hard to talk about subject.

    Beth || http://www.TheStyleBouquet.com

  • Yes, unfortunately the holiday season tends to depress a lot of people. Hopefully, they have friends who will understand and realize that their presence is needed.

    • So true, having the right people who’d notice what should be noticed is a real blessing.

  • This is a great post. I think it is important to self reflect on where we are really at and to challenge ourselves to push out a little if we are naturally internal.

    • Yeah that’s true.
      Introverts suffer from loneliness most, and so we have to take extra care.

  • blair villanueva

    Ohh I didn’t that chronic loneliness is an epidemic (is it worst???) But thank you for sharing this… hmmm correct me if I wrong, but is the worst part includes leading to suicide?

    • Well I do know that depression and loneliness go hand in hand automatically and suicide rates because of depression are ridiculously high, so there should be a probability unfortunately.

  • I’ve never thought about this, but this post gives me a positive vibe. it’s always good to think around instead seeing the negative things. X- https://esseremoda.nl/trouser-with-suspenders/

    • I’m glad you got the right Vibes, Sandra 🙂

  • Yes we should never use others as scratching post.Learning to love yourself is important.
    A beautiful post.Continue being awesome

    • Never ever.
      Thanks for stopping by, Amrita 🙂

  • Loneliness is a difficult emotion and can be all consuming. My husband has a hard time with this. Hence why we probably have 5 kids. Always someone to hang out with dad now. But, in all seriousness his loneliness can be a strain on the whole family so it is something he has to be conscious about and has to actively work on.

    • I’m glad you all work together for your husband — that’s beautiful!
      And as long as he’s aware of this weakness, that’s the starting point!

  • Many people struggle with loneliness. Some show the signs others keep it to themselves. I have been struggling to, and I wrote a post about it. It wasn’t just loneliness, it was everything in general. But the point is, only you can do something about it. No one can really help us, they can ease the pain, but not make it go away.

    • You’re so right, Filipa.
      It’s something only you can strip yourself off.
      Wish you dropped the link to the post, would love to read yours 🙂

  • I actually like to be alone, I feel like I get so much done

    • So do I, I’m much more alert and productive in solitude.

  • These are great tips to change if you are feeling lonely! I’ve never thought about this before.

    • Glad you think so Jasmine, thanks for stopping by!

  • Great piece. Above all, I need to be my own friend. Thanks for sharing.

    • Exactly!
      That’s the key — thank you for stopping by!

  • Thank you for bringing up this important subject. Especially now right before Christmas – a time when those who are lonely feel even more vulnerable than ever. As a travel blogger, I often find myself feeling lonely as I travel too much to be able to stay in touch with a lot of people and some people just tend to…move on from me. It’s sad, but that’s life.

    • Exactly.
      The holidays are when people are either super excited or super alone and dull.
      And I can imagine how being a travel blogger can strain relationships unfortunately.

  • Wow in depth post! Very through

  • Love of oneself is the starting point. weldone Ima

  • Everything is true! Great article!

  • Numer 2 is so true. There are so many people to meet and to be friend with. And true it doesn’t go away on its own. It needs some action! I do like being alone. but from time to time. Just to have some time for yourself. But I also enjoy interacting with other people and have fun in a group.

    • Yes, so do I.
      And again yes, there really are so many awesome people in this world!

  • Cell phones have taken over all communication and I think that is a big problem in this world today to be honest. Also with kids playing to much games and stuck on there phones and ipads. When I was a kid I was outside playing with my friends all day everday until the street lights went off. I mean everyone is different and I wouldn’t consider myself lonely but there are times when I do feel it because I suffer from depression, but I do have friends that I can call and go out with, but days I feel like staying in my own home. Also we have all grown up and being an adult sucks sometimes. I wish I was in my high school days again to be honest. Time flies “thumbs down” lol

    • Lol I miss high school like it was last week (well it was last year, but still)
      As we grow, responsibilities set in and the so called advancements technologically hasn’t been the most helpful thing for us.

  • I personally love to be alone. I have many hobbies and things to do that make me happy, but I know many people who get lonely. I also know people who need to be around other people all the time because they don’t know what to do with themselves.

    • So true.
      A lot of people fall into that category today.

  • Loneliness is really a problem. I read that this is especially true for stay at home moms which I can totally relate to. Great reminders on how to deal with loneliness. thanks for sharing!

    • Yeah, I’m sure stay at home moms can so relate to this.
      Thanks for reading!

  • Ana

    Beautiful piece of writing and love your gif pictures! I think that most of us in today’s world are lonely in our own ways. With the advancements of technology and smartphones, people are busy in their own world that they hardly have time to talk to anyone. Everything has become shallow and materialistic.

    • I know right?
      Technology has ruined relationships in my opinion.
      And I’m glad you loved the gifs — I’m obsessed with them 🙂

  • no 5 is really key, it’s a problem because when you are lonely and desperate you accept anybody and we don’t oftentimes protect our psyche so we get hurt..
    p. S was worried, that you haven’t updated
    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com

    • Yeah, that’s something I learnt the hard way myself.
      And aww, I’m still here, just had to cut it down a bit as school is around the corner (and nervousness is seriously creeping in!) — so good to hear from you!

  • What a great article! I love #12 & #13. A good reminder to be observant of those we love and to be available.

    • Yes, that’s so important — to observe with more than what they say.

  • Love this post! It would definitely help those who are undergoing loneliness in their lives.

    Belle | One Awesome Momma

  • We call this going to our bubble. Our space and time is precious and sometimes we give and give so much and put so much pressure on ourselves that we need to give back to ourselves.

    • Well said, Candy.
      And I do hope more people get this overtime.

  • I used to hate being alone, but as I have gotten older it doesn’t bother me as much. My bf on the other hand could be a hermit and be totally fine with it!

    • A hermit — hehe!
      Good to know you’ve grown into your nature, Bobbi 🙂

  • Love that pizza tree!

    This is such a timely post. So many people feel extra lonely during the holiday season. I definitely feel lonely often due to insecurities.

    • I know right? That’s a tree I need right now — lol.
      And yes, this season too many people aren’t as joyful as they should be.

  • I like your point 12. Finding something that you can get lost in is a really great tip. If you can then find a way to connect that to meeting new people such as meetup situations that is even better.

    • Exactly.
      I think that’s one thing I love the blogging community for the most, it’s like one big awesome and supportive family 🙂

  • Nifesimi

    Just so great….it’ll definitely help cure the disease loneliness

    • Thank you darling , I’m trusting so!

  • I realized that I’m an introvert with extrovert tendencies and that one realization helped me to understand myself so much better. For awhile, I was very lonely but I realized that I also wasn’t being intentional about building a tribe.

    • Well I always believe the starting point is to figure out your true nature and try to strike that balance somewhere in between 🙂

    • Well I always believe the starting point is to figure out your true nature and try to strike that balance somewhere in between 🙂

  • This is such a big issue in today’s society! Your post is great, and I’s sure going to help tons of people!

    • Thank you Kasey, and I do hope it does 🙂

  • Love this post! This is something I am very familiar with. A few years ago, after graduating college and going through another major life change, I felt so alone. Making friends can be hard after college! It took me a while, but thankfully I managed to learn a lot of these lessons and make things better for myself! And now, not only am I happy on my own when it happens, but I put myself out there a lot more and have found some great friends!

    • That sounds pretty neat, always a good idea to make those moves and out yourself out there some more no matter how scary it may seem

  • You do you! I totally understand that multiple posts a week are difficult and YOURS are so in depth. I always enjoy reading them. I know this one in particular is poignant for so many. Thanks for putting it into words.

  • Olaitan

    All your posts are super apt. Couldn’t agree more. I’m all for the one post per week schedule because really I need enough time to promote my posts especially with all the school work. Welldone dear. Hope you’re good.
    Life Lately
    http://Www.laitanbee.com

    • Thank you Ola
      And yeah, school gets in the way, and now I’ve been super ill too unfortunately

  • Happy Monday Dear!!

    I have thought about loneliness much, but I guess that changes now. I do like staying alone but only for a while.

    Thanks for sharing this.

    • You’re welcome Sauumye, and I can totally relate 🙂

  • blair villanueva

    Thank you for sharing these tips! Loneliness is indeed part of our life, and it somehow makes our life colorful and interesting. We should think and make our way to overcome loneliness and discovery things brightly 🙂

    Merry Christmas dear!

    • Yeah, it’s something we have to want to defeat if we’re going to!