They Didn’t Make You This Insecure — Sometimes It’s You Too

“Are you so scared people will hate you?”
“What?” I stare at him, not knowing how
to react. “What are you talking about?”
He gestures at the phone. “Your emails are
like one big cry. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug, please
like me, please like me!”
― Sophie Kinsella, I’ve Got Your Number

 
 
Hey there, precious!
So I’m picking at something I first picked up back in September, but from a different light today.
And I know it’s something a lot of us have personal battles with.
(That was also my first re-blogged article!
Oh, and yeah, this is a requested post.
If you’d like to read something on a particular topic, hit me up 🙂 )
So, did you read the previous post?
If you think you’d like to start from that, it’s still on the blog! !
However, I skipped one important piece.
And I’d be sharing now.

Our world is in a mess, and it’s messing with a lot of our heads — agreed.
If you’re battling with insecurities right now, the previous post will be helpful, no doubt, but it doesn’t end there.
I think there was a time I thought it did.
But neh.

via GIPHY

 
You can delete your Instagram account, stay away from toxic friends, avoid those depressing musics on the days nothing is going well, you can go out more so you don’t end up thinking too much, but honestly?
When you’re filled with insecurities to the brim, it’s still difficult — am I right?
So what now?
You can run away from all of these things, but you cannot hide from yourself.
From your thoughts, from your mind, from how you see yourself when you look into the mirror.
And sweetie, nothing (and I can defend this statement of mine anywhere), nothing can possibly change the way you see yourself.
That’s your responsibility.
So,I know a girl.
 
She grew up with a lot of self doubt and timidity.
And unfortunately, she found herself around the wrong people who ignited those doubts and it naturally grew into full blown insecurities that took forever for her to wash off.
When she opened up to me, she wasn’t already over her insecurities.
And those demons didn’t disappear because I told her how amazing she is and because she read my blog alone.
They didn’t get washed off even when she grew from an “ugly duckling” to becoming one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen.
They didn’t wash off because she got a scholarship to go to one of the most prestigious schools in the world.
They didn’t wash off when she found a billionaire love or when her parents got amazing jobs.
They didn’t wash off when she was constantly being called pretty by all the boys or when she started to work out.
They didn’t wash off when she hit thousands of followers on Instagram.
They didn’t wash off when she understood that sad depressing music wasn’t the best.
 
A lot of people saw this girl and wondered what in the world she could possibly be depressed or insecure about — her life was perfect!

via GIPHY

How did it go away?
She finally saw for herself that for her insecurities to not have been able to die off with all the amazing things she had gotten, they weren’t implanted in her just because of her surroundings or because society or any of that.
Her insecurities were because, her.
You can’t give aspirin to a cancer patient and expect that to bring forth healing.
It wouldn’t do.
Where am I driving at?
Forget the ones who called you ugly.
Forget the ones who didn’t think you were enough.
Forget the ones who say all sort of shallow nonsense about you.
Forget that all the models are constantly selling a particular body type.
 
And now carry out this exercise with me:
Honestly:

– How many times have you weighed your worth to your achievements, to praises, to successes?

– How many times has your self-esteem increased because you got a lot of compliments that day?

– How many times have you looked at the next person and judged because of how you perceive the world judges you?

– How many times have you been jealous of a stranger because they got what you’ve been fighting for years to get?

– How many times have you gone to bed happier than you did last night because your last upload gathered plenty of likes, or views?

via GIPHY

 
The problem is that we think what makes one person better than the other are these petty things.
It’s that you’ve already belittled yourself in your head.
It’s that you’ve subscribed to a lot of the wrong mindsets and everyday you’re waking up and going back to sleep with it.
 
So the other day, I used a personal selfie as my WhatsApp dp and a really close friend went:
“You’re so pretty, I just look so plain.”
And that photo was obviously filtered.
How do you compare a filtered selfie with a real face?
How?
At this point, I can imagine someone thinking about the above exercise like:
But those are achievements, aren’t achievements the reason that bring smiles on faces?
And this is were I tell you, no.
That’s the problem.
When we can hit those marks that we see as obstacles, we feel way up.
We feel like we finally belong, we finally fit in.
And when we don’t, those demons torment us in our head.
We’re walking down the road and we’re tormenting ourselves.
We’re talking to a pretty friend and we’re tormenting ourselves.
We’re watching Trace and someone with a pretty smile comes on and you remember your pretty smile selfie no one said anything about and for the rest of the day we’re tormenting ourselves.
Do you really want to put the blame for that on someone else?
Because that doesn’t solve anything.
 
Are you happy with a you that’s constantly concerned about how you appear to everyone else,a you that feels threatened even when there is no reason to,a you that’s jealous, a you that’s uncomfortable, a you that’s angry with society because they’re the root of all this confusion, a you that’s tired, a you that cannot seem to find satisfaction?

via GIPHY

I know, it’s not your doing.
You don’t want this. You didn’t voluntarily choose this life.
But you know what?
Only you can pull yourself out.

So, this week, look within and understand that:
 
– be a size 100, be a size 1,you are worthy.

You

via GIPHY

are not worthy because some people are still into size 100, you’re not worthy because skinny is the new perfection, you are worthy because you are a unique soul, and because you have love flowing through your veins, and because someone loves you.
Yes. Hard to believe right?
But I promise you it’s true.
Remember that doesn’t change anything if you don’t love yourself though.
Which leads me to the second reminder:

– nothing will ever convince you you are worthy if you are not convinced you are worthy.
Nothing.
How do you convince yourself you a worthy?
Act like someone who is.

– nobody has the perfect life.
Trust me on this one.
I have a lot of prefect looking friends that people
approach me to connect them and to introduce them to and I just smile because I know so much they do not know.
Do not be fooled, everyone is fighting their own demon.

– insecurities will not disappear all at once, and if you have battled with it for too long, I can assure you that occasionally, it would rear it’s ugly head.
When it does, remember that you have the power to decide how you look at yourself.
The ones who think you’re the bomb and the ones who would bomb your house if they could do not matter at this point.
How do you, *insert your name*, want to look at yourself today?

– insecurity smells. Depression smells. Low self esteem smells.

via GIPHY

And those who want to manipulate with it will.
Remember this.
People will play on it.
You will constantly keep getting mixed signals.
And all of it will mess with everything some more.
Stop letting yourself reek of it.
Fight it, friend. Fight it.

– all of your past mistakes and every wrong mentality you ever carried about yourself, wasn’t your fault, but can only be undone by you.

 
Darling blog reader, you are amazing.
But me saying that, doesn’t make you amazing.
Me saying that doesn’t do nothing, if you do not believe that.
Believe the right things.
Because you are everything right.
Act with that mentality.
Talk with that mentality.
Carry yourself with that mentality.
You can do it.

I’m done ranting.
Your turn.
What’s your take on this massive problem that even I battled with?
Let’s talk.
Please please please?
 
And if you know someone who struggles with esteem problems, I most likely won’t be able to get this to them.
Kindly use any of the share buttons — thank you!

 
Sending all of my love, I know it’s a Monday, but don’t be a Squidward — see you in December!

via GIPHY

 
Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com

More Juice?

  • Killy

    Thank you very much Ima
    This post did a lot of good to me, starting my day feeling worthy of every good thing and deeds. Everybody has insecurities but it’s difficult dealing with them, and i appreciate the fact that you gave us (readers) the process in dealing with it.
    Thank you

    • You’re very welcome love.
      Thanks for pitching the idea, I’ve gotten a lot of positive responses to this article already.
      Stay strong 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing this.

  • Lara

    helpful and nice piece dear…thanks

    • You’re welcome Lara!
      Thank you for reading as always 🙂

  • Yup, I so agree! No one is perfect. The ones who try to seem like they are make me roll my eyes.

    I do admit I sometimes act like Squidward as I get older 😉 I just have less patience for things.

    • Especially on Monday mornings eh?
      Lol
      Thanks for stopping by!

  • Tochy

    Cool blog post

  • Until you learn to appreciate yourself and believe in yourself no one can change you for you. This was such a great read.

  • Shane Prather

    Wow the questions to ponder were real food for thought! We need not to rely on external validation and be happy inside ourselves!

    • I’m glad they were for you, Shane.
      And yes, self validation before anything else 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing this i know a few people including myself that could do with reading this daily!

    • You’re very welcome, and I hope it helps them a lot too 🙂

  • As I have gotten older I don’t care as much about what people think but, I still want to connect with people. All I can do now is put myself out there and wait if people want to approach me great if not I can’t dwell on it and be miserable.

    • Best way to look at it!
      Like someone said, you have to get to the place of not being lonely even on the days you’re alone.

  • blair villanueva

    Hello Dear,

    I’m a true believer of “your greatest fan is yourself”.
    And If I care about what others are thinking about me, then I wouldn’t go out of my house or rather live inside the cave. But I don’t. I don’t care what others think of me, especially if those are negative.
    People likes to talk, and when you are the dish of the day, then something intriguing happens. And that’s fabulous!

    • Powerfully said, Blair!
      You just have to learn to stop paying so much attention to everything that’s been said — good or not good!

  • I like reading your articles because you are so open. I have struggled with seeing my worth before. However, I told myself that it is no one’s responsibility to make me see my worth. I have friends who have self-esteem issues too. I am always there for them and let them know that they are not what they think. It is all in our minds.

    • I think it’s something a lot of us can relate with if we’d be honest to ourselves.
      But like you said, it’s all in our heads and we can flush it out if we really want to.
      Thank you so much 🙂

  • I think it is always good to remember your core and to be your own authentic self. Once you no longer need the approval of others you will see that loving yourself is the only way to be happy.

    • That’s right — love yourself so much you don’t require any other loving to feel better!

  • Beautifully composed and written. I love the questions one should pose to oneself. They really are powerful!

    Beth || http://www.TheStyleBouquet.com

    • Aww, thank you so much Beth, I’m glad you do 🙂

  • It’s true when you say “only you can pull yourself out.” It’s brings the old saying to mind “don’t worry about what other people think of you, because most of the time they aren’t.”

    • I know right?
      That’s the craziest part.
      A lot of the times they aren’t even seeing things the way we assume they do.
      Yet we mentally just torture ourselves.

  • Laveena Sengar

    I so agree. Being a perfectionist is a good thing but there is a thin line between the two circumstances. Nobody is perfect and getting that in mind is just stupid.

    • So true.
      No one has it all together, no matter how things look like from where you’re seeing it.

  • Indrani

    What a positive message in the end!
    Yes to believe in oneself gives strength to character.

    • It sure does, that’s where it all begins 🙂

  • In all the insecurities and doubt about one’s ability…It pays to give yourself another chance at succeeding. We all need to believe in ourselves. Thanks Ima

    • Very true, no sense in condemning yourself just as the world would want you to.
      Thank you!

  • You took a very difficult topic and made it beautiful. Thank you for writing something so true and heartfelt. We need more blog post dealing with personal change and you have put it put there for the world to see.

    • Thank you Kathy, I do hope it helps as many people as it possibly can 🙂

  • I wanted to clap after this. No one’s life is perfect and that is a great first step to stop comparing ourselves to others and thinking their life is better!

    • Thank you Sarah 🙂
      And you’re so right, no one has it all rosy.
      Not one soul.

  • What a beautiful post, Ima! Just the pick-me-up I needed. What struck a chord with me was how a compliment brightens up my day. Which meansif I could even compliment one person a day, it just might make the world of a difference! xoxo

    • I know right?
      The little things that can move so much!
      Thank you so much, Berniedette.

  • Create and live the life you want. Not the way someone else wants you to. I had trouble with this until I began blogging. And joined the blogging community. It’s just so darn supportive! It’s truly changed me.

    • It really is an amazing community, and you can get so much inspiration from it 🙂

  • I think we just need to learn to appreciate ourself first and at the same time understand that no one is going to be perfect here. Such a great reminder from you and very much inspiring as well.

    • Yeah, we just need to learn to be our own cheerleader first!

  • You are such a talented writer. It is so important to accept our own worth, and stop comparing to others.

    • Thank you! 🙂
      And yes, it’s so important.
      Every individual is unique, in our own way.

  • Nifesimi

    Positive, Ima…thanks for coming through again…I love this

    • You’re very welcome Nife
      Thanks for taking the time to read 🙂

  • Mental health is a treasure, and definitely not something that should ever be taken for granted. It’s every bit as important as physical health!

    • So very true.
      It’s really that important.

  • First, we need to start to appreciate ourselves. Stop looking for appreciation from others.. Great read!

    • Exactly, start to see yourself the way you’d like others to see you.
      Thank you Nisha!

  • We shouldn’t compare ourselves with other people. This is where our society goes wrong, since we are little, in school, we need to compete for the first, second and third prize. We have to be the best even if we are not passionate about the things we study. Why should someone good at math be better than someone good at drawing? Here is the start point of our insecurities, it’s all in our childhood and the system we are forced to follow.

    • You make such a valid point here, Joanna.
      It’s something that has been inculcated even from childhood and it’s so pitiful when you really think about it.

  • Great post! I have dealt with a lot of self-esteem issues as a child, young adult and even now as an older adult. It’s a never ending battle and it will destroy you if you don’t take an active stand to make some pretty heavy changes in your own thought process. It’s something I am actively working on…even today!

    • Exactly, it’s an every single day conscious activity because the world would never stop trying to get you down with everything they can possibly use!

  • I love this! It’s about time I saw this. I’ve been telling friends that we have to also consider ourselves when it comes to our insecurities. People have done things to make us question ourselves, however, it’s not all on them. Sometimes, because of our perpectives, we tend to set unrealistic bars for ourselves and when we don’t accomplish that goal, it takes a stab at our security + confidence.

    • That’s so true, no matter what, we cannot point fingers at others for how we’re forced to feel, it doesn’t solve anything.
      You have to learn to manage your own thoughts and emotions and how you ultimately see yourself.
      No body else should determine that.

  • Great post! Some people need a swift kick in the butt when they are insecure

    • Lol or a really gentle nudge for some people 🙂

  • I think this piece is a great thing for all young girls to read. It has a wonderful message. Thanks for sharing it!

    • Thank you so much Tina, and thanks for stopping by to read 🙂

  • Great post! Very uplifting and so positive!

  • Thank You for sharing it!! It’s an amazing post!!

    • You’re welcome Sauumye, I’m glad you think so!

  • You just hit the right spot there. There is no hiding and yes everyone is fighting their own demon.
    I am going to share this with a couple of friends. Thanks for the inspiring piece of writing.

    • You’re very welcome JeevaNayagi
      And I’m trusting this would be helpful to an extent to your friends 🙂

  • Great post and very true – all the looking perfect on the outside doesn’t matter if you don’t feel good about it all and believe in yourself. Gotta keep reminding ourselves.

    • It doesn’t matter one bit — it all starts with you.

  • blair villanueva

    Is that from Sophie Kinsella’s latest book? I only have her Shopaholic book collection whixh are so addicting. And I don’t care, even my Dada tells me the stories are lame, lol

    • Hehe
      I think so Blair, and I love Shopaholic book collections too — though I’m still not done with them!

  • Loved reading something positive like this. Sometimes we are very hard on ourselves than we mean to reading something like this reminds me to be positive no matter what the circumstances

    • And I do hope you always keep that at heart Malaika.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  • Olaitan

    Hey dear. I guess at some point we all deal with insecurities and somehow it’s in everyone either dormant or recessive. I could be pretty insecure at times and it’s not healthy at all. What with all we see on social media and stuff. Sometimes I feel plain too and wonder why anyone would call me beautiful and smart. Lol, it gets that bad on some days. One major thing I do is to speak to myself in the mirror before stepping out to convince myself that I’m this and that and I shouldn’t let anything/anyone get to me. Enjoyed reading this. Happy New Month.
    Life|Hello December

    • We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, the important thing is to understand that those days do not define you as a person and you can choose to fight them.
      Nothing is impossible.
      Thank you love, welcome to December!

  • Sometimes ,we feel really ok until we see another who does things differently than us. We must always remember who we are and how God sees us, that we are precious, that we are special and unique. OUr differences is what makes us stand out. =) If we keep on looking at the thorns, we’ll be missing the beauty of the rose. =)

    • You said it so beautifully well, Gillian.
      There is so much beauty and so much good if only we actually want to see it.
      Thank you for such an insightful comment 🙂

  • Insecurity is something that will never go away, it is either you accept it or you ignore it. The only way to stop feeling insecure is to stop comparing yourself to others. You are you and that’s the reality that each one f us have to accept.

    • That’s so true.
      The more we ignore it or act like it’s not there, the more it grows.

  • Love that you’re starting with Sophie Kinsella. I really love her books. Great article again. To make us all aware of how we make ourselves insecure. I totally agree with you: Nobody has the perfect life. And we shouldn’t compare so much. That only makes us more insecure.

    • Thank you, I love Sophie Kinsella’s books too, one of my favorite authors.
      And you’re so right, every time you compare, you kill your own esteem yourself.

  • Laveena Sengar

    I completely agree with you. There is no one perfect in this world. I come across so many people who are just so much into themselves that they think that they are perfect. It’s something I just cannot stand.

    • Lol
      Wishful thinking on their part, maybe?
      Been there too, I always find it rather funny.

  • Thanks for this post. It is a real eye opener, we are all unique so no need for comparism

    • Yes we are.
      And you’re very welcome!

  • What an insightful and motivational post, Ima! We all feel insecure about different things sometimes and I agree, that we can run away from them, but we cannot hide from ourselves . We should always remind ourselves that we are amazing! We are the people who are able to change our lives and take actions!

    • Very well said, Eugenia.
      We’re all we need to create that change we want to see.