“At times, don’t be forced to play nice with others, especially when their version of playing nice favours them, and is focused on them. Playing nice means working together for a shared result. I’m not sorry for not being able to play nice with everyone, sometimes I only play nice with the best.”
― Tony Curl, Seriously Simple Stuff to Get You Unstuck
I used to be such a soft hearted girl.
I still am.
(Who am I kidding — yes. Yes I am.)
But I’ve learnt to toughen up lately.
Needless to say, I’m pretty happy about that.
With the world we live in today and how self-centered most people are; just looking to take advantage of anyone willing to be vulnerable, a girl has to smarten up a tiny bit.
Or a lot.
I’ve also come to understand that when you let others walk all over you in the name of trying to let peace reign or staying on their good side or just so you don’t start world war III with that specific someone again, you automatically start to do yourself a massive disservice.
And so today, I’m sharing nine things I struggled for years with before seeing that I have no need to feel sorry about them and why I can stop that terrible (yes, absolutely terrible) habit, and if you’re like me, I hope this helps you plenty too.
1. Coming from a conservative home and letting so many values rub off on me.
If you’re not careful, a lot of people would make you having standards and being selective a problem.
And nothing is more dangerous than you dropping your beliefs or denying them just because no one is holding them dear anymore.
You have every right to hold on to whatsoever it is, and without apologies too.
Nobody has to concur to them and nobody has to help you uphold them too, but you do not have to be sorry you still choose to.
And so how did I finally get here?
I’ve come to accept that everyone has different views and opinions about different matters, and I have stopped having an issue with that.
I refuse to be a judge and I refuse to point fingers and I refuse to get into pointless contradicting debates.
Hold on to yours and I hold on to mine.
Everybody’s almost totally happy.
2. Anything that’s nobody’s business / Anything that really isn’t a thing.
Nobody used to be as bothered about what people think of me than me.
It was worrisome.
It mattered so much.
Whether it be true or whether it be not.
How did I get here?
Most people do not face their business.
Such is the life we’re in today.
Most people cannot keep their mouths shut.
That I got used to.
And so instead of always feeling bad for myself, I understand now that they’re the ones who all the pitying and the worrying over, not me.
3. My physical features.
And this includes the way my eyes get super tiny in a photograph if I’m smiling, the way I can’t see in public as I don’t like to wear my glasses when I’m walking and some people don’t get it, the way I’ve always battled with acnes, and every other imperfection I’ve come to peace with.
This one took a long while.
How did I finally get there?
It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t mind your imperfections if you still do.
Stop looking for all of this outside or determining how you view yourself by if you do or do not get them.
Because if you do get a million and one from everyone but yourself, it doesn’t change one thing about how you see yourself — not one.
Yeah, it could give a temporary high, but that fades away too fast.
4. When I stop talking and start acting.
I hardly ever get mad.
Unless I’m constantly pushed and I’m seeing this won’t stop.
But instead of venting out my anger, I do something about it.
Instead of letting it all boil for so long, I take immediate actions.
And then people get upset.
And then I’d think: “Maybe I shouldn’t have..”
Don’t make excuses for people.
Do what needs to be done!
How did I finally see this?
When you don’t do what’s right and choose to just keep waiting to see some change miraculously happen, you’re hurting only yourself.
When you don’t? You’re serving the right way.
And that’s the part that gets people scared, I’ve come to see.
Seeing someone causing a racket in a bid to try to “make a point” is too common.
Do something about it instead.
Use your block button more.
(I’ve been using my block button more and it’s heavenly, I tell you!)
Delete contacts. Walk away. Report their butts.
Most people do not sit up till you do.
5. The fact that I’m taking my goals pretty seriously even though I’m still young and most people don’t get why.
I’ve gotten bored with living my life the ordinary way.
Wake up, Eat breakfast, Text, Facebook, Instagram, Voice notes, Video calls, Ping!, Gists, Selfies, “Goodnight – Goodnight”, Sleep.
There’s no time to waste.
And I think that’s something too many young people don’t quite understand.
The earlier you get started with something, the better.
To a couple of people, you’re trying to act above your age.
You’re “forgetting them.”
How did I finally get to the point of not being too bothered with that?
Well because, at the end of the day, you have just you.
No real friend ever stands in your way.
Plus, if you don’t work towards your goals, darling tell me — who will?
6. Dropping the “frenemies” and speaking only the truth to anyone I consider a friend unapologetically.
Like I shared in a previous post, I’ve been painfully honest of late now.
I’m not even sure why.
I just feel life is too short to waste it pretending or fooling around.
And so if I’m disappointed, I’m saying it.
If I’m hurt, I’m saying it.
If you’re about to hurt yourself, I’m saying it.
How did I finally get here?
True relationships are proven when you can stab them in the front.
When you can yell and make sense in it.
When things can get awkward and naturally go back to normal on it’s own.
Stop mincing words that should be said and stand by them firmly.
7. When others aren’t happy.
You’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
Just as no one is responsible for yours or lack of.
I had to ring this into a close friend’s ear Sunday evening.
Yes. You should be there for who you can be, but never be afraid of wanting good for yourself too.
Stop carrying the blame all on your own when it should be shared.
That’s very unhealthy. Don’t settle for it.
No matter how much you think it’ll be helpful for them, maybe for their low self esteem or their anger issues or their emotions, it would kills you two times faster, I promise.
8. Loving my own company maybe a lot too much.
If you don’t know how to enjoy your own company to the point that people think you just don’t like them in particular, maybe you should.
I used to always wonder why I didn’t seem to fit in in social gathering, until I stopped bothering about that.
How did I do it?
Understand that personalities are different, and that’s perfectly fine.
An introvert doesn’t need crowds, it’s okay.
You don’t have to feel bad about that, and it’s not something you can really change either, trust me.
I’ve been surrounded by extroverted friends all my life, and I’ve always thought I had a problem.
Now I understand much better.
If people don’t understand, they don’t have to.
9. Cutting people off.
It’s okay to break connections.
It’s okay to walk away from relationships.
And if it’s what you needed, it’s okay to not be sorry.
Did you know this?
I wasn’t always so sure of this.
How did I get here?
Everyone isn’t good for you.
If there’s negatively, cut off.
If there’s malice and there’s jealousy, cut off.
If you constantly keep getting bad vibes, cut off.
And you know what?
You don’t owe nobody an explanation.
You could give one if you feel like it, of course, but if you don’t even know how to put it in words, cut off and keep moving with life.
Because it didn’t stop.
So, let’s get talking.
Am I the only one that has had these struggles?
Do you have a problem with constantly needing to offer apologies?
Or have you managed to find your way out like I did with these nine?
I’d love to hear your own experience.
Oh, and if you think someone else could use this reminder, please share this piece on your favorite social media — thank you in advance!
Wishing you a fantastic week ahead, do exploits darlings!
Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com.