Nine Things I Finally Learnt To Stop Apologizing For And Why

“At times, don’t be forced to play nice with others, especially when their version of playing nice favours them, and is focused on them. Playing nice means working together for a shared result. I’m not sorry for not being able to play nice with everyone, sometimes I only play nice with the best.”
― Tony Curl, Seriously Simple Stuff to Get You Unstuck

 
 

I used to be such a soft hearted girl.
I still am.
I think.
(Who am I kidding — yes. Yes I am.)
But I’ve learnt to toughen up lately.
Needless to say, I’m pretty happy about that.
With the world we live in today and how self-centered most people are; just looking to take advantage of anyone willing to be vulnerable, a girl has to smarten up a tiny bit.
Or a lot.
I’ve also come to understand that when you let others walk all over you in the name of trying to let peace reign or staying on their good side or just so you don’t start world war III with that specific someone again, you automatically start to do yourself a massive disservice.

And so today, I’m sharing nine things I struggled for years with before seeing that I have no need to feel sorry about them and why I can stop that terrible (yes, absolutely terrible) habit, and if you’re like me, I hope this helps you plenty too.

 
 
1. Coming from a conservative home and letting so many values rub off on me.
If you’re not careful, a lot of people would make you having standards and being selective a problem.
And nothing is more dangerous than you dropping your beliefs or denying them just because no one is holding them dear anymore.
You have every right to hold on to whatsoever it is, and without apologies too.
Nobody has to concur to them and nobody has to help you uphold them too, but you do not have to be sorry you still choose to.
And so how did I finally get here?
I’ve come to accept that everyone has different views and opinions about different matters, and I have stopped having an issue with that.
I refuse to be a judge and I refuse to point fingers and I refuse to get into pointless contradicting debates.
Hold on to yours and I hold on to mine.

via GIPHY

Everybody’s almost totally happy.

2. Anything that’s nobody’s business / Anything that really isn’t a thing.
Nobody used to be as bothered about what people think of me than me.
It was worrisome.
It mattered so much.
Whether it be true or whether it be not.
Now?
Nope.
How did I get here?
Most people do not face their business.
Such is the life we’re in today.
Most people cannot keep their mouths shut.
That I got used to.
And so instead of always feeling bad for myself, I understand now that they’re the ones who all the pitying and the worrying over, not me.

3. My physical features.
And this includes the way my eyes get super tiny in a photograph if I’m smiling, the way I can’t see in public as I don’t like to wear my glasses when I’m walking and some people don’t get it, the way I’ve always battled with acnes, and every other imperfection I’ve come to peace with.
This one took a long while.
Really long.
How did I finally get there?
Self-love.
Self-acceptance.
Self validation.
It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t mind your imperfections if you still do.
Stop looking for all of this outside or determining how you view yourself by if you do or do not get them.
Because if you do get a million and one from everyone but yourself, it doesn’t change one thing about how you see yourself — not one.
Yeah, it could give a temporary high, but that fades away too fast.

4. When I stop talking and start acting.
I hardly ever get mad.
Unless I’m constantly pushed and I’m seeing this won’t stop.
But instead of venting out my anger, I do something about it.
Instead of letting it all boil for so long, I take immediate actions.
And then people get upset.
And then I’d think: “Maybe I shouldn’t have..”
Maybe nothing.
Don’t make excuses for people.
Do what needs to be done!
How did I finally see this?
When you don’t do what’s right and choose to just keep waiting to see some change miraculously happen, you’re hurting only yourself.
When you don’t? You’re serving the right way.
And that’s the part that gets people scared, I’ve come to see.
Seeing someone causing a racket in a bid to try to “make a point” is too common.
Do something about it instead.
Use your block button more.

via GIPHY

(I’ve been using my block button more and it’s heavenly, I tell you!)
Delete contacts. Walk away. Report their butts.
Most people do not sit up till you do.

5. The fact that I’m taking my goals pretty seriously even though I’m still young and most people don’t get why.
I’ve gotten bored with living my life the ordinary way.
Wake up, Eat breakfast, Text, Facebook, Instagram, Voice notes, Video calls, Ping!, Gists, Selfies, “Goodnight – Goodnight”, Sleep.
No no.
There’s no time to waste.
And I think that’s something too many young people don’t quite understand.
The earlier you get started with something, the better.
To a couple of people, you’re trying to act above your age.
You’re “forgetting them.”
How did I finally get to the point of not being too bothered with that?
Well because, at the end of the day, you have just you.
No real friend ever stands in your way.
Plus, if you don’t work towards your goals, darling tell me — who will?

6. Dropping the “frenemies” and speaking only the truth to anyone I consider a friend unapologetically.
Like I shared in a previous post, I’ve been painfully honest of late now.
I’m not even sure why.
I just feel life is too short to waste it pretending or fooling around.
And so if I’m disappointed, I’m saying it.
If I’m hurt, I’m saying it.
If you’re about to hurt yourself, I’m saying it.
How did I finally get here?
True relationships are proven when you can stab them in the front.
When you can yell and make sense in it.
When things can get awkward and naturally go back to normal on it’s own.
Stop mincing words that should be said and stand by them firmly.

7. When others aren’t happy.
You’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
Just as no one is responsible for yours or lack of.
I had to ring this into a close friend’s ear Sunday evening.
Yes. You should be there for who you can be, but never be afraid of wanting good for yourself too.
Stop carrying the blame all on your own when it should be shared.
That’s very unhealthy. Don’t settle for it.

via GIPHY

No matter how much you think it’ll be helpful for them, maybe for their low self esteem or their anger issues or their emotions, it would kills you two times faster, I promise.

8. Loving my own company maybe a lot too much.
If you don’t know how to enjoy your own company to the point that people think you just don’t like them in particular, maybe you should.
I used to always wonder why I didn’t seem to fit in in social gathering, until I stopped bothering about that.
How did I do it?
Understand that personalities are different, and that’s perfectly fine.
An introvert doesn’t need crowds, it’s okay.
You don’t have to feel bad about that, and it’s not something you can really change either, trust me.
I’ve been surrounded by extroverted friends all my life, and I’ve always thought I had a problem.
Now I understand much better.
If people don’t understand, they don’t have to.

9.  Cutting people off.
It’s okay to break connections.
It’s okay to walk away from relationships.
And if it’s what you needed, it’s okay to not be sorry.
Did you know this?
I wasn’t always so sure of this.
How did I get here?
Everyone isn’t good for you.
If there’s negatively, cut off.
If there’s malice and there’s jealousy, cut off.
If you constantly keep getting bad vibes, cut off.
And you know what?
You don’t owe nobody an explanation.
You could give one if you feel like it, of course, but if you don’t even know how to put it in words, cut off and keep moving with life.
Because it didn’t stop.

So, let’s get talking.
Am I the only one that has had these struggles?
Do you have a problem with constantly needing to offer apologies?
Or have you managed to find your way out like I did with these nine?
I’d love to hear your own experience.
Pretty please?
 
Oh, and if you think someone else could use this reminder, please share this piece on your favorite social media — thank you in advance!
 
 

via GIPHY

Wishing you a fantastic week ahead, do exploits darlings!
 

Deliciously Yours To Savour,
Ima | LemonsLemonade.com.

More Juice?

  • I probably do apologize too much. I really need to stop it. There are times when I don’t even need to say I’m sorry but I find myself doing it.

    • The problem we the soft hearted ones go through.
      I hope you manage to curb it!

  • What an inspiring read, Ima!
    There is nothing like loving you.
    I agree that the earlier you start something, the better. That’s my hope for my kids. That they start maximising their potentials very young. No time to waste!
    Have a great week, dear!

    • I know right?
      Days run by so fast.
      Thank you so much,ma! 🙂

  • My husband always tells me I apologize too much. I realized it was a problem when I ran into a chair and then apologized for it. Hahaha. I need to be more conscious of my wording when I run into things like that (both literally and figuratively)

    • Lol wow 😀
      I hope you manage to handle yours, Divya!

  • You really covered some valuable points. I believe that most of us share the same concerns. People tend to take advantage of other people who are softhearted.

    • Sad truth.
      Goodness knows why — you just has to keep guards up for your own self.

  • I too apologise far too much. It’s great that you are realising and remedying this. Go you!

  • Saying am sorry is just a reflex action to me no matter how hard i try not to, I think am too meek, Nicely said dear…………………. I love this article you know?

    • Somwtimes it’s necessary of course, some others, it’s just really unhealthy.
      Thank you Joe 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing your list. I agree with all of them. I need to learn to stop apologizing so much, “I’m sorry” is habit that flows freely from my mouth!

    • Well like they say, too much of anything always turns bad — I hope this helps 🙂

  • OMG I so with you, I really had to jump the gun and stop apologising for living my life. I am not saying we have to become mean but when the situation calls for it I am all in.

    • Exactly, you just have to discern when you’re not doing anyone and much less yourself good by giving that apology.

  • Crystal Marie

    I definitely apologize too much. Good read!

    • Thank you Crystal, I hope this helps to an extent 🙂

  • These are some great things to stop apologizing about. It’s sometimes so hard to embrace self-acceptance and be confident in who you are, but so great when you get to that point.

    • It really is.
      Like someone said, that dangerously awesome level of freedom!

  • I always love reading your blog posts! I used to apologize to a girl in school when she said my face looked like I’d been hit with a frying pan! Now I don’t apologize until I’ve done something wrong but I’m not going to apologize for being me and being different and happy! Awesome post!

    • Lol wow.
      I’m glad you saw that needed to change, Ellie 🙂
      Thank you so much!

  • I’m super honest these days as well. No time for nonsense when you’re focused on reaching your goals!

    • I know right?
      And it’s so surprising for me as I’m such a goody goody even when I’m being trampled upon.
      But now? Was 🙂
      A girl has to take actions when actions are needed.

  • CourtneyLynne

    Omg I definitely apologize way more often than I should. I really should work on that!

    • Lol you’re obviously not the only one 🙂

  • The breaking connections thing is hard. Partic one one side has a hard time letting go. But it IS good and needs no apology. 🙂

    • It’s definitely hard, even when it’s necessary.
      But that’s how we grow ourselves.

  • I just can’t stop loving you and I think I know why….. We share the same philosophy on must issues.

    • 🙂 aww
      Lol, that’s good to know
      Thank you Rockdweller!

  • blair villanueva

    Most of the time my peers thinks of me as tough and bitchy (hehehe) but the truth is I a human with soft spots (like I feels so amazed with gigantic teddy bears!)
    But I don’t apologize on things I know that are valid, and I sincirely apologize to people I did wrong. Accepting faults doesn’t mean you are weak.

    • Exactly, it’s about finding that balance for your own self.
      Thank you Blair! 🙂

  • I used to apologize so much that I would be like I’m such a bad person. Now I try use better words

    • I’m glad you do, Chante.
      No one deserves that sort of mental abuse especially to one’s own self.

  • These are great. I learned to let people go and not feel sorry or apologize for it too. Sometimes the negative unsupportive people need to be let go and it’s for the best.

    • It sure is.
      It’s usually never easy but it’s always “freeing” 🙂

  • Such a great read! I probably do apologize too much and need to stop it!

    • I hope you can, Jasmine.
      Only when you truly are at fault should you render one 🙂

  • Tochy

    This article has actually reminded me of a lot I know but too timid to act on just because of fear of being rejected but now I know it’s okay to think about you feel too.. Personal principles and many more irrespective of what the whole world might think… Nice work ima, keep it up.. You never can tell whose live you might end up touching

    • And I’m glad I could help impact yours, Tochy.
      Thank you so much for reading this 🙂

  • Nifesimi

    All true….some people don’t just love facing their own business which annoys a lot….and a lot of frenemies a lot…thanks for this post Ima

    • Yeah, it can be so annoying and all of it just shows how pathetic their own lives are anyway.
      Thanks for reading Nife!

  • “Don’t make excuses for people, Do what needs to be done!”

    This is a take away for me…I’m fond of that, I sometimes act as a dad to some of my folks or babysitting some grown ups…

    This is a good one and timely too Ima…

    • Lol I can only imagine.
      Rather pitiful.
      Thank you so much, Chinedu 🙂

  • I remember reading somewhere that in Japan, apologizing is built into their language. I feel like that’s kind of how it is with me. I don’t ALWAYS apologize, but I have that apologetic nature. It can be hard to get out of that habit, but I don’t necessarily think it’s bad.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    • Nope, it’s not a bad thing at all, especially if you’re at fault and you’re expected to.
      Thing is, some people have the problem of rendering apologies that trample on their own person simply because they didn’t have to, they weren’t wrong, but they’re only trying to keep the peace.
      And that’s just wrong.
      Thanks for reading, Michenn.

  • Ive never really understood people who skirt around an issue. If I’m not happy about something I just say it! Direct and to the point but I’m not nasty about it. Of course you have to say things in a certain way otherwise it can come across rude and I hate rudeness!! But if you don’t say how you feel, how will anything change? Ree love30

    • Very well said, Ree love30!
      We like to assume people would somehow read through the lines — they hardly ever!
      Thanks for chipping this in 🙂

  • I usually feel apologetic for liking my own company. I am currently staying with a few extroverts and they just don’t get why i want to stay indoors by myself sometimes. They always complain. I end up feeling really bad. But what can I do? I’m myself.
    Lovely post. I can relate to a lot of your points.

    • I can so relate to that.
      I think my extrovert besties have finally come to accept me for who I am because whether anyone likes it or not, they can’t change someone else.
      Thank you for stopping by, love!

  • This has me written all over it. I apologize for everything (sorry). 🙂
    I even had an ‘apology jar’ my friends made me at work. I had to give $$ whenever I apologized unnecessarily.

    • Really??
      Lool, wow.
      Your purse must not be very happy 😀

  • I love everything that you mentioned. I have few really close friends whom I know very well. I can talk to them about anything. It is so much better! I used to have a lot of friends but it was difficult. I prefer my friends now because they are more mature.

    • That’s good to hear, and it’s super important too to learnt to filter through.
      Like someone said, everyone doesn’t deserve a place in your life, and not permanently.

  • You put into words how I feel. Thank you for this. Happy Thanksgiving.

    • You’re very welcome Valerie — Happy Thanksgiving! 🙂

  • Olaitan

    You’re so full of wisdom! Every single point up there is valid and I’m constantly trying to stop being sorry for them. Take for example, apologising to someone for not following them to an event I’m not a bit interested in.
    http://www.laitanbee.com

    • I know right?
      It’s like you’re compelled to do so even when you’re really glad you got out of it.
      Emotions can be crazy.
      Lol
      Thank you, love!

  • you are so right…. I mean life is really too short and we need to stop worrying about our imperfections, it’s funny how minds work at times.. sometimes I see a short guy and am like if I were shorter I would be fine, then I see a taller guy I will be like if I were taller I would have been finer then I see someone of my height I will be like the person is slimmer or fatter…. it just boils down to Loving ones self
    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com
    p. S, Ima, I moved to WordPress

    • Lol, it happens to me too.
      I see a really really dark skinned girl and I’m like “Why ain’t I melanin popping sef”, then I remember my favorite woman, Adunni Ade, and I go, “Why can’t I be much more lighter ehn”
      At that point, I know I have to call myself to order.
      It’s pointless and there’s no need for it 🙂

  • Fisayo Bayo – Banjoko

    I definitely apologize too much. Thanks for the blog, now I know it’s a ‘terrible habit’ and have to work on it.

    • I hope you can, Fisayo.
      It’s so important to know when you should and when you have no reason to.
      Thank you so much for stopping by today, I definitely missed hearing from you 🙂

  • Ana

    Your post makes a nice read and your GIF pictures are very cool! I believe in giving importance to myself and doing things that makes me happy!

    • Thanks Ana,and yes, those are really important!

  • This is such an important post! Especially as a female. We always apologize too much!
    xo Jessica
    http://www.whatsfordinneresq.com

    • That’s so true — with our super soft hearts
      Hehe

  • This is such a great list. Life gets so much better once you realize you don’t have to apologize for being you! I spent so much time feeling responsible for other people’s feelings, and once you let all that go, it’s great!

    • It’s so “freeing”, it’s ridiculous!