“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.Give the world the best you have anyway.”
― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council
You know how annoying this is, don’t you?
When you just know that this is them:
I understand. I do.
Once upon a time, forgiving used to be such hard work.
Thankfully, I grew up.
But I used to think I was fine with being that way.
Heck,I’m the good girl.
I try to get along with everyone. I’m peaceful, I never get on the wrong side of people intentionally.
And so for every time I got falsely witnessed against, got gossiped about, got betrayed, got forgotten, got cheated, I threw a tantrum.
Not out for all to see, goodness no.
I piled it up within and threw the tantrum in my heart. I held grudges. Rolled eyes. Face well squeezed with anger and disgust and everything else.
Yes. The worse kind.
Because, people are so annoying. Why can’t they behave like I do?
Till I noticed something: nobody was noticing me!
They didn’t notice I was still hurting , that I hadn’t gotten over the shock and the disappointment — they really didn’t give a flying bat!
And I think that’s the worse part:
That if they choose to apologize or couldn’t even care less, no one can eject the negativity within you towards them, that’s your job.
And it’s burning you out. Not them.
How did I grow out of this?
Was it painful?
So torturous it murdered my ego.
And so here are six reasons I hope you find good enough to forgive whoever it is that needs forgiving, sorry or nah:
1. It’s exhausting — and a zillion times more when they don’t care!
Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I?
You were the one who was wronged, why do you have to be the one to suffer the most?
We think it’s weakness to let go, but it actually signifies strength.
Letting go doesn’t mean you condone the wrong against you. It doesn’t mean you let yourself be trampled on.
It’s simply you wanting a clear mind back.
2. Everybody wasn’t raised the way your were.
Some people never learnt it’s wrong to manipulate and oppress and destabilise others, to be candid with you.
Surprising, but it’s true.
They were never taught to see life right.
Some people never learnt what goes around, always always always (did you hear my always?),comes around.
And that’s not your fault, that’s not your headache, don’t carry that weight with them: release.
3. Everybody didn’t grow up. Trust me.
This one helps me a lot. A lot of people didn’t or haven’t or have no plans to grow up. Ever.
It’s why some do what they do, and you do yourself a mega-huge favour when you overlook them like you would when a child dumps your iPhone down the toilet, and still has the nerve to laugh about it. (Or when my eight year old sister broke my favorite jewellery.)
You have every right to strangle life out of them, but show how grown you are instead.
Or you’d end up not being able to differentiate yourself from them anymore.
Excuse all of their childish exhibitions. Please.
4. When you refuse to forgive, you’re agreeing to remain their victim.
You’re agreeing to remain on the floor while they walk all over your mind (and walk about their normal businesses.)
Don’t you believe that’s hardly fair on you?
Don’t hold yourself back.
You can do better than that.
You deserve better than that.
5. Nobody really expects you to. Imagine the look on their faces if you do.
Everyone would most likely still go “I understand”, if you start to go on about what they did to you once more.
So over the weekend, I talked alot with someone who wronged my best friend a while back and is still extremely nonchalant about it and on Saturday evening, I just had to ask her how she did that — forgive him and forgive herself.
How do you forgive someone that was most likely the biggest mistake you ever walked with?
And with her response, I could just see something in her that wasn’t there and wouldn’t have been if she hadn’t gotten into that and gotten out of it.
She was grown.Really grown.
And I didn’t expect it. (Hehe. I know she’d read this.)
It’s easier to see reasons why.
Still, it’s hard to know where to start from.
Here are five lanes I followed myself:
1. No better revenge that living better
You can’t live better if you keep stalking to see if they’re finally as miserable as they made your life.
You can’t live better if you see them coming and your heart misses a beat because their face coming out of nowhere blocked your air-hole unexpectedly (this one is how I naturally react, and I know I haven’t forgiven someone.)
You can’t live better if you can’t hear their name and not face your own game.
I dare you: Live better.
Focus on all that life’s offering you.
(Oh and, for you please. Not for Instagram, so they get to see it too.)
2. Feel sorry for them.Not spite, mind you.
Not, “look at me, now look at you, now see who needs their silly brain reorganised”.
No no.Genuine pity.
And that can only come from dropping hate aside.
I can remember talking to a friend who I was hurt by and he actually said “You know I don’t know how to say sorry, you know how large my ego is”.
I have never felt more pity for anyone.
They need saving from themself, do you not see that?
Well, I hope you do today.
3. Turn the tables around — on yourself. It’ll show you things.
Alot of things.
I didn’t realise how much I lacked a sense of humour until I had someone very close to me tease me about something for so long, I took offence.
I didn’t realize how picky I was until I I once openly complained to my sister about how annoying hearing people chew was to me (and found out it’s actually a recognized mental disorder! Did you know this?), and she said she could hear me chew as well too. Clearly.
Sometimes, when we put ourselves in their shoes, we see things we did not expect to.
And we tend to see the need to let them off the hook too.
4. Remember a time you didn’t deserve it –but got forgiven.Now remember them.
As a Christian, this one works so well for me.
I am saved by grace, and for everytime I slip, I still got Grace!
I cannot see a reason to not forgive someone else.
A lot of times, we get forgiven much easier than we deserve. Admit it.
This doesn’t automatically make it easy to forgive others.
No. Not at all.
But I just know I have to, no two ways about it.
5. Stop looking to get offended
“Whaaat?”, I can almost hear you say.
The unkind stranger you met doesn’t know you darling, that attitude he or she’s carrying and displaying to you is coming from somewhere else — that’s not your problem!
The rude bus attendance is most likely just really tired and hungry and hates his job. Not you.
Sometimes, no one is ignoring you — they are just really busy.
They didn’t mean to piss you off, sometimes they didn’t even notice they did.
Relax already, will you?
Trying to be a little (or a lot more) tolerant changes alot.
Remember one last thing as I wrap this up, this abridged version of a beautiful quote by Wm. Paul Young:
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat…Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation………Forgiveness does not excuse anything………You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness……”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
Did this help?
Did this cause you to consider forgiveness in a different light?
I’d love to hear your thoughts through the comments section!
Happy new week, darlings! May it be half as exciting as the weekend. 🙂
Deliciously Yours To Savour,