Five Reasons To Let Go And Five Ways How — When They Ain’t Sorry

 “People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.Give the world the best you have anyway.”

― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

You know how annoying this is, don’t you?
When you just know that this is them:

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I understand. I do.
Once upon a time, forgiving used to be such hard work.
Thankfully, I grew up.
But I used to think I was fine with being that way.
Heck,I’m the good girl.
I try to get along with everyone. I’m peaceful, I never get on the wrong side of people intentionally.
And so for every time I got falsely witnessed against, got gossiped about, got betrayed, got forgotten, got cheated, I threw a tantrum.
Not out for all to see, goodness no.
I piled it up within and threw the tantrum in my heart. I held grudges. Rolled eyes. Face well squeezed with anger and disgust and everything else.
Yes. The worse kind.
Because, people are so annoying. Why can’t they behave like I do?
Till I noticed something: nobody was noticing me!
They didn’t notice I was still hurting , that I hadn’t gotten over the shock and the disappointment — they really didn’t give a flying bat!
And I think that’s the worse part:
That if they choose to apologize or couldn’t even care less, no one can eject the negativity within you towards them, that’s your job.
And it’s burning you out. Not them.
How did I grow out of this?
Slowly.
Was it painful?
So torturous it murdered my ego.

And so here are six reasons I hope you find good enough to forgive whoever it is that needs forgiving, sorry or nah:

1. It’s exhausting — and a zillion times more when they don’t care!
Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I?
You were the one who was wronged, why do you have to be the one to suffer the most?
We think it’s weakness to let go, but it actually signifies strength.
Letting go doesn’t mean you condone the wrong against you. It doesn’t mean you let yourself be trampled on.
It’s simply you wanting a clear mind back.

2. Everybody wasn’t raised the way your were.
Some people never learnt it’s wrong to manipulate and oppress and destabilise others, to be candid with you.
Surprising, but it’s true.
They were never taught to see life right.
Some people never learnt what goes around, always always always (did you hear my always?),comes around.
And that’s not your fault, that’s not your headache, don’t carry that weight with them: release.

3. Everybody didn’t grow up. Trust me.
This one helps me a lot. A lot of people didn’t or haven’t or have no plans to grow up. Ever.
It’s why some do what they do, and you do yourself a mega-huge favour when you overlook them like you would when a child dumps your iPhone down the toilet, and still has the nerve to laugh about it. (Or when my eight year old sister broke my favorite jewellery.)
You have every right to strangle life out of them, but show how grown you are instead.
Or you’d end up not being able to differentiate yourself from them anymore.
Excuse all of their childish exhibitions. Please.

4. When you refuse to forgive, you’re agreeing to remain their victim.

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You’re agreeing to remain on the floor while they walk all over your mind (and walk about their normal businesses.)
Don’t you believe that’s hardly fair on you?
Don’t hold yourself back.
You can do better than that.
You deserve better than that.

5. Nobody really expects you to. Imagine the look on their faces if you do.
Everyone would most likely still go “I understand”, if you start to go on about what they did to you once more.
So over the weekend, I talked alot with someone who wronged my best friend a while back and is still extremely nonchalant about it and on Saturday evening, I just had to ask her how she did that — forgive him and forgive herself.
How do you forgive someone that was most likely the biggest mistake you ever walked with?
And with her response, I could just see something in her that wasn’t there and wouldn’t have been if she hadn’t gotten into that and gotten out of it.
She was grown.Really grown.
And I didn’t expect it. (Hehe. I know she’d read this.)

It’s easier to see reasons why.
Still, it’s hard to know where to start from.

Here are five lanes I followed myself:
1. No better revenge that living better
You can’t live better if you keep stalking to see if they’re finally as miserable as they made your life.
You can’t live better if you see them coming and your heart misses a beat because their face coming out of nowhere blocked your air-hole unexpectedly (this one is how I naturally react, and I know I haven’t forgiven someone.)
You can’t live better if you can’t hear their name and not face your own game.
I dare you: Live better.
Focus on all that life’s offering you.
(Oh and, for you please. Not for Instagram, so they get to see it too.)

2. Feel sorry for them.Not spite, mind you.
Not, “look at me, now look at you, now see who needs their silly brain reorganised”.
No no.Genuine pity.
And that can only come from dropping hate aside.
I can remember talking to a friend who I was hurt by and he actually said “You know I don’t know how to say sorry, you know how large my ego is”.
I have never felt more pity for anyone.
They need saving from themself, do you not see that?
Well, I hope you do today.

3. Turn the tables around — on yourself. It’ll show you things.

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Alot of things.
I didn’t realise how much I lacked a sense of humour until I had someone very close to me tease me about something for so long, I took offence.
I didn’t realize how picky I was until I I once openly complained to my sister about how annoying hearing people chew was to me (and found out it’s actually a recognized mental disorder! Did you know this?), and she said she could hear me chew as well too. Clearly.
Sometimes, when we put ourselves in their shoes, we see things we did not expect to.
And we tend to see the need to let them off the hook too.

4. Remember a time you didn’t deserve it –but got forgiven.Now remember them.
As a Christian, this one works so well for me.
I am saved by grace, and for everytime I slip, I still got Grace!
I cannot see a reason to not forgive someone else.
A lot of times, we get forgiven much easier than we deserve. Admit it.
This doesn’t automatically make it easy to forgive others.
No. Not at all.
But I just know I have to, no two ways about it.
For myself.

5. Stop looking to get offended
“Whaaat?”, I can almost hear you say.
How?
The unkind stranger you met doesn’t know you darling, that attitude he or she’s carrying and displaying to you is coming from somewhere else — that’s not your problem!
The rude bus attendance is most likely just really tired and hungry and hates his job. Not you.
Sometimes, no one is ignoring you — they are just really busy.
They didn’t mean to piss you off, sometimes they didn’t even notice they did.
Relax already, will you?
Trying to be a little (or a lot more) tolerant changes alot.
 
Remember one last thing as I wrap this up, this abridged version of a beautiful quote by Wm. Paul Young:

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat…Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation………Forgiveness does not excuse anything………You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness……”

― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack

Did this help?
Did this cause you to consider forgiveness in a different light?
I’d love to hear your thoughts through the comments section!
Pretty please?
Happy new week, darlings! May it be half as exciting as the weekend. 🙂

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Deliciously Yours To Savour,
LemonsLemonade.com.

More Juice?

  • You are so right. It is mentally exhausting to hold grudges. I absolutely hate it.
    I love your point about not everyone growing up. Because knowing that has helped me. A lot. There are some people in my life that I have told myself can never get me angry. Because I know them. I know how childish they can be. So I don’t even get angry with them anymore.
    I also remember feeling really betrayed by a friend, that I just couldn’t forgive her. My other friends were surprised, since I forgive others easily. But, for her case, i couldn’t let go of what she had done. Everytime, i told myself i had forgiven her. But then, the thought of her still made me really angry and i knew i hadnt. I thought there was no way i woild be able to forgive her. But then, as I was reading the Qur’an, I realised I’m just a human being. I have done bad things and have been forgiven. Other people have forgiven me. God has forgiven me. So who am I, a mere human to hold grudges? Who am i to refuse to forgive? And somehow, with that realisation, I was able to let it go. I’m probably exagerating, but it felt like a miracle.
    So yeah, your points are really apt.
    And as always, I love the quotes and your writing.

    • 🙂
      I totally understand that feeling, Hassey
      I’ve been there too, and it’s amazing.
      Thank you for sharing this, really beautiful
      We all have the capacity to forgive if we just put our minds to it and see that we’re all human and not above errors
      Thanks for reading, dear. And thank you for the kind words!

  • I have learned to forgive and forget, especially recently. It’s not worth it to hold grudges. Life is too short, anyways!

    • Yeah, it really is short
      Thanks for reading Tyane!

  • This is such a great post & very informative. I try my best to forgive and forget.

    • Thank you Tasheena!
      Good to know you do 🙂

  • I totally agree with this post…some people were not trained right and some never just grew up.

    I learnt a long time ago not to sweat on people’s bad behavior, but i always make sure not to let them repeat such stupid behavior with me.

    http://www.molarabrown.com

    • Very true
      It’s one thing to overlook their ridiculous acts, and another to ensure they still get a piece of your mind for future sake.

  • This is so important to hear. I’ll definitely have to send this to a couple of my friends who need the advice. Thanks so much for sharing!

    • And I hope it’s plenty of help to them too.
      Thank you!

  • I’m the type of person who will hold on to something and replay it for-ev-er to see where I went wrong and why they didn’t apologize (or if I should). I’m a chronic apologiz-er. Ahh life.

    • These words sound like me, literally! Hehe
      I hate misunderstandings that much.
      But of late, I am finally starting to understand that very few people deserve that. Really, really few.

  • I needed this! Thank you for sharing!

  • You make so many great points in this post, and it really comes down to the reality that holding on to anger or a grudge just doesn’t do YOU any favors – for your emotional, physical or mental self – so staying in a place of frustration is only letting the person who “wronged” you have even more power over you, and they do NOT deserve that. It is easier said than done, but you’ve outlined some great steps that we should all keep in mind, daily! Thank you for sharing.

    • You practically summed it all up 🙂
      Thank you so much, Monique Nelson!

  • These are really good tips! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • And thank you for reading and sharing! 🙂

  • Nifesimi

    A lot of annoying friends tho…thanks Ima all I need

    • I can so relate, they’re everywhere — and a couple of times, this is us too! .. Hehe

  • I think people get offended too easily these days. It takes a lot to offend me. I mostly just let things roll off my back.

    • Hehe
      I’ve learnt this too, and it makes life a hundred times easier to live!

  • Doris Amaka

    Personally I believe this is the best write up I have seen on forgiveness, I never really realized how much I held myself back and held my happiness back because of a situation I hadn’t let go of but point 3 and 4 thought me lessons I n eded to remind myself about…thanks to lemonslemonade.com

    • Aww, thank you so much!
      I hope it remains a constant reminder 🙂

  • This is very true forgiveness is best. I do not believe in revenge 🙂

    • And no need really, what goes around always comes around.

  • Life is way too short to hold grudges , forgive forget and move on is the best way to go!

    • True words!
      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  • you have to learn that the world means different things for different peoples and we all have opinions and outlooks on life That is the only way that Ibelieve we will all make it through
    come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

    • True. Thanks for chipping that in,Angie.
      I’d stop by at your blog!

  • Thanks so much for being vulnerable and sharing this! Holding a grudge can really hold you back!

    • It sure can.
      And thank you for reading, I hope it helps overtime.

  • I totally agree, holding a grudge helps no one, forgiving is better.

    • Glad you agree you with me. It’s tough, but it’s better.

  • Great advice. Life’s too short for holding grudges. This really stood out for me too: “Everybody wasn’t raised the way your were.” Never looked at it that way before. Thanks.

    • I only just realized that myself, after encountering a lot of these kind of people and wondering where exactly the problem was originating from
      Thanks for stopping by!

  • I’m sharing this post. There are so many people that need to read this. Thanks for sharing!

  • This is such a great post! I learnt to let go of some things recently and I feel so much better for it. It’s liberating!

    • Thank you Dannii, so good to hear you’ve learnt how to too!

  • Jena Proctor

    It has taken me a long time, like 30 years to start understanding this. I would get upset or offended and that was it, I was done. It takes too much energy to hold a grudge, bless and release. My outlook on life has improved since I started letting go! *Insert singing “Let It Go” from Frozen*

    • Hehe,I like this one! 😀
      I’m glad you’re seeing it now Jena Proctor, nothing brings more peace.

  • Upon reading your post, I realized one thing. I don’t get easily annoyed at people like you do, even if they annoy the hell out of others. I got two secret tips for you.

    1) Not everything is about you. This may offend others but it is true. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and so if people treat you like shit. They don’t really care how you feel.

    2) Never expect anything in return. We treat others nicely ebcause that is how we are. but that doesn’t mean they should return it. They don’t have a reason to do so. is it a law? No. It is just what we believe is right, and others may think otherwise.

    • Hmm
      Agreed 🙂
      I really like your second point, and that’s how I operate now.
      I don’t expect anything from anyone now — I think I’d much rather be surprised than disappointed.
      Thank you so much,Gryselle Mae!

  • Our Family World

    I’ve learned many things in my life, I think we should not expect from others as much as possible.

    • So very true. It just leads to plenty of disappointment most times.

  • parpar de real

    Such a great post and interesting. Thanks for sharing this.

  • its such a challenge to do this, but it helps ease your inner peace thats for sure

    • Both very true
      It’s not easy, but it’s something we need to personally inculcate into our lives

  • Good read. I know I just forgive for myself not for the other person.

    • Exactly, we definitely need to remember to see it that way.
      Thank you for reading 🙂

  • I like your post. Yet it puzzles me. I guess It’s because I’m the person who’s really hard to offend or really annoy. Like yeah, human stupidity annoys me, but not to the point where I couldn’t just shrug it off and imagine everyone as little kids who’re there to press your buttons… I know this might sound arrogant, but it works, you can’t hold a grudge towards a little kid.

  • your lead photo is hysterical.
    Luckily that isn’s something i’ve ever had an issue doing. I will cut you off and not look back. BYE!!!

    • Hehe
      I wish I learnt this before 2016
      Glad you liked the opening GIF, Rain! 🙂

  • Not letting go is so so exhausting. I’ve learned to let go in a big way and now I can’t believe it was ever any different.

    • I can so relate to that.
      Sometimes I wonder how I held onto grudges so bad. Hehe
      Thanks for reading, Jill Conyers!

  • A lot of great points here. I also believe in karma of sorts. If someone really wronged someone it will come around in one form or another.

    • I strongly believe that too
      I’ve seen it happen too many times to disbelief
      It’s why I let a lot of things just slide now — Karma’s watching 🙂

  • Elizabeth O.

    It’s not that easy to let go when the people you’re trying to forgive don’t even care about what you’re feeling, that’s so true! I can relate to that and I definitely had to learn it the hard way. I think these are very good reasons and if those can’t convince you then you’re just going to drown in hatred.

    • “drown in hatred”
      You couldn’t have put that any better, sincerely.
      Those are the exact words.
      Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth O.

  • Yea that’s very true….I’m not the type that gets angry easily….and I’ve learnt to deal with such attitude from people.

    • Good for Michael Ukpabi
      A lot of people don’t learn this on time unfortunately.

  • This is particularly for me.
    “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat…Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation………Forgiveness does not excuse anything………You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness…”
    Thanks my favourite blogger.

    • Thank you so much Joy!
      So good to hear from you as always 🙂

  • Anger and emotional outburst, to my own experience, is mostly caused by our individual temperament – i know that what triggers my anger may not trigger the other person. It is so unfortunate that our society is yet to come to terms with anger management and all other related stuff. I am so thrilled at the style you communicates, thanks for this Ima.

    • Yeah, that’s true
      Individual temperaments play a massive role in this too — and few people really understand this.
      Thank you so much,Paulinus! 🙂

  • OurFamilyWorld

    These are absolutely a great tips, So glad that you share this with us

  • Nice article, more grace dear.

  • I don’t see reason for holding grudges on people.

    • That’s good to know
      Thanks for stopping by!

  • The part where i dislike the most was ‘when the person whom was actually at fault, didn’t even care’ about how bad you feel.

    Yet life makes the person who was wronged to bear the guilt and punishment if he/she decides to hold grudges.

    I agree with your post that letting go is the best!

    • Exactly, that’s the pathetic part at the end of the day.

  • This can’t be any more true! I have experienced this so much in life that it’s really exhausting. You’re going to wake up one day and you’re going to stop caring about people like these. If they do not give one single f— why should we? Right?

    • Exactly
      If it’s not a headache for them (when it really should be!), you shouldn’t be the least bothered either.
      So not worth it.

  • Forgiving is very hard but it is important to do. It’s important to remember that forgiving is not about the other person. It’s about you moving forward with your life and leaving behind what has hurt you.

    • Exactly.
      Once we start to see it as something we need to do for ourselves and nobody else, we start to see the need to too.
      Thank you for reading!

  • Ouch. Forgiveness. Yeah that’s a tough one. I’ve learned it’s easier to just be humble and move forward. <3

    • Yeah, it’s definitely never easier, but always worth it when we bring ourselves to it.

  • This is all so true. It’s so hard but definitely worth it. Another thing to consider when it comes to strangers is that you just don’t know what they’re going through in their lives. My in-laws just lost a child, and they will be healing for many many years. I’m sure they will be triggered by many everyday things and they deserve grace.

    • Hmm
      That’s very true too
      Alot of people are bearing weights we cannot see, and sometimes they exhibit it in ways we won’t understand.
      Thanks for adding that, Tiffany Cardenas.