What To Do When Everyone Is Doing Better Than You


P.S. You’re not going to die. Here’s the white-hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you’ll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you’ll still be okay. If you sing off-key, get beat by the competition, have your heart shattered, get fired…it’s not going to kill you. Ask anyone who’s been through it. — Danielle LaPorte

 
 
 
I saw a video on YouTube the other day.

 A father and his little daughter.

I can’t remember it all precisely but this is how it went:

So he had her stand in front of their bathroom mirror and then he started;

“What’s my name?” 

And she said it out. (hers, not her father’s.)

“What am I?”

And she went “I am blessed.”

“When I fall?”

She answered “I’d get right back up.”

“I am not better than anyone.”

“I am not better than anyone.” She repeated.

“No one is better than me.”

“No one is better than me.” 

I watched this video over and over and over again. (And I’d still tell you I don’t know why my WiFi keeps running out too quickly.) 
And so after I had fed my eyes and heart, and gotten started with some chores, I’m thinking, most dads didn’t do that.
Most people haven’t done that.
Imagine a world where more people did that more often.
Yes, so we’ve learnt that the world is a wicked and tough place, that they are all out to get us, that we have to fight for what we want because no one would hand it to us, but have we learnt the peaceful, uplifting truths too?
Have we learnt that we are blessed more than we deserve and not just on the sunny, awesome days that everything looks and feels just perfect?
Have we arrived at the place of understanding that we aren’t better than anybody, just as no one can be better than us, not because we haven’t tried, not because they haven’t attempted to, not because rich family – poor family, beautiful spotless face – acne covered face, popular – unpopular, but because it’s absolutely impossible when we measure with the true standards that we hardly ever use:
Each man, each lane race.
It is you and your specific race. All the other lanes are empty, and no one would be joining you.

Look around you, darling.
What do you see?
(Okay, maybe not literally.But look around.)
You’re seeing the competition that has flown to the top of the chain in weeks and you’re still stuck at the same point, yes?
You’re seeing the girl who just came out of nowhere and everyone is all over her already.
You’re seeing the overnight sensation (we never see the ones that aren’t way up,ever,) and you’re thinking to yourself:

“But heck,I can do better!”
“I was here first!”
“I deserved that spot/title/recognition/position!”

Or maybe something as simple as;
“Everyone is advancing. Everyone is into something right now. Everyone is doing something big with their life. What’s my own problem?”

I’ve been there too. Now, I’d help.
Few months back, I started getting a lot of weird vibes, that got to me severely at a point.
So I have had (I pretty much stay away from anything that attempts to make me feel being too awesome is something to feel bad about simply because you’re the only one) three “friends”, all guys, all into something for over a year now.
Not so much luck in it.
I decided to give it a shot since it was an interest of mine too, that I had been trying to gather the courage to pursue.
And I’m not doing bad at all, compared to how I thought I would. 

Okay, I’m being modest.
 I’m killing it. 

But for them, it turned to be I’m not doing bad compared to them.
And you know all those negative energy you get around such people? I started to get it big time.
And they didn’t even realize they were emitting this until they noticed I was pulling away from them, and then two of them attempted to make amends. 
#LetWomenBeGreat
At first I was deeply hurt that they would, with their own personal insecurities, manipulate, but then I realize how scared we get ourselves (for nothing!) when we begin to believe someone else’s goodluck is very bad and threatening for us.
Someone else’s goodluck doesn’t jinx your own. 
When they get there before you get there, the gate hasn’t closed on you.
Because how? You’re not even on the same path!

And you know when this happens? 
When we find the time and energy to compare and contrast with others?
When you do not focus on your own.
Concentrate on beating your own records everyday.
Focus on your own. 
Focus on your own.
Focus on your own.
Concentrate on beating your own records everyday.
(Please let that sink in. I could go on repeating them.)

How can you climb up a ladder by staring at how *insert name* is climbing theirs? 
It can’t happen.
Most likely, you stopped to watch.
So let me rephrase this for us:
What to do when it looks like everyone is doing better and you aren’t doing much? 

  • Remember that there is that which differentiates a man that is stagnant and a man moving. It’s that they’re up to two different things. So tell me, what have you been up to?

Another reason is, we usually like to sit down and compare our internal reality to the outward projections others provide.

We take our minuses, our lapses, our shortcomings or even the really plain and most ordinary unfiltered parts of us:


(Yes. We’re the cereal.)
  
   We conveniently leave out all the other good things we can and should be grateful for, all the awesome occurrences, all the blessings we should be counting and naming one by one, and focus solely on that one dull aspect, and then we put it side by side with other people’s most attractive parts that they display:

(I’m not sure why I used food for this. Maybe my cravings. 😉 )

Yes. Right next to all the yummy yum-yum parts that they show you, after packing aside and keeping the dirt, the not-so-pretty-looking side.
After putting in all the efforts and extras and getting messy and having to start over again to get it just right.
They clean up and show you the end result.
And we really believe that’s the only side of them. Picture perfect. That’s how they roll. 24/7.
And then we do our calculations and add our 1 and their 1 billion together.
How do you expect your entire self to process this?
Of course it would beat you down silly!
Stop looking at their plate, people.
People will only show you what they want you to see.
You don’t need to be doing better than them, instead be better.

Don’t try to do better at school to impress or beat others, instead be a better student.
Forget doing extra hours at work, be more efficient at managing your work hours instead. 
Sometimes I get a huge case of writer’s block so I can’t write, and then I start to feel bad that I’m falling behind when I shouldn’t and then I start to think I need to start publishing more articles than just twice a week, just like everyone else, and I start to panic and then I remember to just stop!
I remember I need to stay in my own lane.
And I remember that me feeling uninspired or waiting till a day before Monday or Friday to start writing the next day’s post or having or not having writer’s block does not in any way make me any of the ugly things my head is lying to me about.
And that I am on my own journey entirely, so another person’s map won’t take me anywhere. 
Another person’s scoreboard doesn’t push me to second position or make me number one.

And so finally, look at it this way:
You know that voice up in your head? 
Feeding you all those negativity? That you aren’t doing enough and you’d never be enough because everybody is naturally better than you and there’s nothing up can do about it and you might as well bury your head in shame and self-pity?
If that voice suddenly turned human, maybe even moved in next door to you, would you want to be friends would such a person?
Would you want to be around such a person?
Would you like to be friends with that voice in your head?
I didn’t think so.
So do yourself a favour, and pay no attention to all of that. 
Your whole and your own life is right in front of you and what anyone is doing with theirs is not supposed to be your business is not supposed to bring you a headache.

Instead, grab some inspiration. Go over your own goals. 
And stop being lazy about what you know you want and need to be doing.
Your crown is a few blocks ahead, and no matter how many people race past you, they’re going to race past it too because it isn’t theirs.

So I’d be here, reciting my mantra into the weekend and onwards from now on, and I hope you join in:

I am Ima Emanehi Asuquo.
I am blessed. Simply because. No other reason.
When I fall, I will get back up. Because staying on the floor isn’t an option. Never has, never will. 
I am not better than anyone else, in anyway. I only need to work at becoming a better Ima.
Nobody is better than me for whatsoever reason.
 It’s either all in my head or they’ve gone bananas.

Hakuna Matata. The End.


 
 
 

If This Was Helpful, Please Share With Anyone You Think Might Need This Too.
And Do Leave Me A Comment If You Can.
Siggestions, Feedbacks, Questions, Additions, Anything. Pretty Please?

 
Deliciously Yours To Savour,
LemonsLemonade.com 

<3

More Juice?

  • Lara

    Nice article
    Always helpful
    Thanks hun

  • I couldn’t agree less! Everyone is unique and running their own race with their own perspective and particular goal in mind. It isn’t worth comparing ur life with others really cos the grass is alws greener on the other side.

    Good article Ima..

    • Exactly
      So it is never a fair comparison when we forget to keep this in mind.
      Thank you so much for reading Jessica!

  • Charlie

    Nice post …majority of us keep comparing ourselves to others and am also guilty of that.

    • Plenty of us are
      But I think it’s just about getting to the place of total acceptance that the less we do that, the more we can focus on the most important thing: Ourselves.
      Thank you for stopping by, Charlie

  • Doris Amaka

    You absolutely killed this topic, from the first caption to the end…I might not always stop by but when I do I know I’ve missed a lot, I nearly screenshotted the whole page Cus I felt the message….

    • Aww this totally made my day
      Thank you so much! I’m glad it was that helpful to you, thanks for stopping by too 🙂

  • A/Azeez

    Fabulous!
    Towards the end moored the points. The end has rapier.

  • This post was so inspiring and definitely something I needed to hear today. Thanks for the wonderful post! 🙂

    • You’re very welcome Jenni
      So glad it was of help to you!

  • NICE WRITE UP

  • Definitely needed this insight today, others will race by, but they are heading for a different finish line. Thank you!

  • Yup, and so we can always rest easy when we have that understanding.
    I’m glad this was helpful, Cheryl.
    Thank you for reading 🙂

  • How inspiring! Keep rockin, lovely lady, and live unstoppable!

    • Hehe aww 🙂
      Thank you so much Rhonda!

  • Nifesimi

    Really love this…

  • Thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world! I really enjoyed reading this!

    • You are very welcome Jodi, totally my pleasure! Thank you for stopping by 🙂

  • Hemarh Nuel

    This really touched me ,More wisdom,IMA

  • Olaitan

    Gosh, I love this post so much. I’m gonna read it over again when I get home. I have so much to say rn but let me just leave it at God bless you.
    http://www.laitanbee.com

  • Best line: “Your crown is a few blocks ahead, and no matter how many people race past you, they’re going to race past it too because it isn’t theirs.”

    Girl, your articles are everything! It’s really nice to see someone focus on self improvement; it’s all we need, not these “change the world” mantra when we can’t do as much as change our clothes or shower or take good care of our internal being. Thank you, thank you for these reminders.

    • And it all starts from one more person seeing the need to grow some more 🙂
      Thank you Memkoh,thank you for these really kind words!

  • Fisayo Bayo – Banjoko

    Good read. Lol, your mantra. So you speak Sanskrit ? I don’t believe so.