We’re all seeking that special person that is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.
Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness.
And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate.
Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.”
― Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe
Of late, a lot of people around me are unfortunately going through rough times in different relationships.
And so this one is for all of them.
Friends changing and the closest ones leaving and heartbreaks after heartbreaks.
I too have of late, gone through tough and trying times and while I’d be publishing an article on how to deal with goodbyes and relationships that have completely fallen apart first thing Monday morning, I’d share my own documented Terms and Conditions that Life has given and I have now agreed to before subscribing to relationships, and I’d hope it helps you as well.
“Please read these Terms And Conditions carefully before you ‘I Agree’ and proceed on in any relationship.
A satisfactory stay in any Relationship is dependent on your acceptance and compliance, and this is applicable to everybody.
• Your need for a friend, a companion, someone to talk to, to understand you, and your disappointment for not seeing anyone measuring us to any of these, does not in any way automatically make you weak — so don’t feel bad, and is very acceptable under sensible cirumstances.
It could mess with your head and feelings but that part is optional.
It’s a lonely world without anyone to share it with.
You will come across amazing souls that would pull you to become deeply mesmerized with them.
When you find them, lose yourself with them — not in them,by all means.
It’s a risk, but isn’t everything in life?
• Keep in mind that no one is compelled to stay with you. Or at least, should be. And so not everybody will.
You would come to love some people who would, with time, come to mean the world to you. And they might leave.
And it would be painful.
The ones that make us feel the most special unfortunately have the resources to make us feel the exact opposite.
It is unfortunately impossible to skip over this line.
You cannot pretend it is non existent as nothing would tear you apart faster.
It’s one of the unfair and heartbreaking things about life , but it sure does teach you to grow.
Some just grow with bitterness and resentment attached to them.
It is strongly advised you do not permit anyone to do this to you.
Because at the end of the day, you letting the sun go down on your anger because of this does not burn them — it’s just you.
• Unfortunately, for reasons somewhat unfathomable, someone won’t see what they have till they lose it — or ask it to get lost directly or indirectly.
Because of this, they instantly carry out a terrific job at trying to convince you that sincere love, trust and longevity in relationships is a farce.
And that everyone leaves sometime.
However, you still get to decide if you choose to sign and ultimately buy into this lie.
I’d request you do not.
• You would do the most amazing things with or without them. Because our destinies cannot be tied down with anyone that it wasn’t destined to be brought to light with.
It wouldn’t look like that right now because this wasn’t how the picture used to look, and the change of them leaving is overwelming.
But your life didn’t hop away on their shoulders, I assure you.
You won’t always have a support system, and these are one of those times you’d need to be your own cheerleader.
• As this is no one-sided agreement, they would do amazing things and it might hurt because it was without you and that wasn’t supposed to be.
The biggest mistake you can slide into would be to burn your own time obsessing and feeling upset over this.
Love from afar if you can. No one says you shouldn’t. Wish them well.
Do yourself well.
• For other reasons often untraceable, someone would most likely come into the picture at some point out of nowhere and jealousy would spring up.
You would be forced to question where you stand and your importance.
Distance would bring doubts and worries .
First, it’s advisable you to come to an understanding that no one belongs to you.
You do not own them. Just as no one owns you.
Also, this is the part that you speak up. Please.
Think of it as something rottening.
If attention isn’t brought to it on time, it’s going to go really bad.
And other things would over time, cover it up.
And when it started to stink, you won’t even know where to trace it to.
• As time goes on, there are bound to be misinterpretations and misunderstandings and they are meant to be the days used to grow and most importantly, stay in the place of love.
Sometimes, you would be forced to wonder if they’re just hungry and grumpy or they’re pretty pissed about something serious.
Yet sometimes, it’s all in our heads.
They didn’t read your message and ignore you.
The blue tick is lying. (Trust me. Been there.)
It is in our nature to jump into conclusions and what-not, but sometimes, it’s not that serious.
This is where the package called communication is put to use.
• If at any point though, your rights and your worth and your esteem is repeatedly and consistently being trampled upon, you are expected to pack up and flee.
Not necessarily because they’ve refused to treat you better or you’ve stopped caring, but because they would teach you that you need to love yourself less and less with each passing day.
And you might as well rip that contract into two right there because it’s not worth it
• Because of the circle of life you’re surrounded with, you will unexpectedly make the most wonderful friends and you’d know you got lucky to meet such souls.
You meet them in the most ordinary circumstances and they would be of such great benefit you would wonder where they’ve been all your life. Enjoy these free bonuses.
• Some past memories would never leave you be, whether you want them to or not.
You can let this be a constant source of bitterness, depression and “What-happened?-We-were-doing-so-well!”, or you simply could choose to hold on to the good times only.
Sometimes it looks like that option is dependent on how deeply we got hurt, but it really only rests on how deeply you have planted yourself in your happy place and ready to drop unnecessary luggages most likely giving you alone extra work.
You alone have control over and assumes full responsibilities to manage damages, outcomes and losses as a result of the use or reliance on these relationships. Remember that part too.
No finger pointing at anyone else.
Proceed with care and caution.
But this should be worth it.
If You Have Questions Or Doubts, I Would Advise That You Do Not For Any Reason Hesitate To Contact The Other Party/Parties In Your Relationships As Openly As Possible.”
You ‘I Agree’?
I hope so, guessing this is the first Terms And Condition You’ve Probably Read. (Don’t you dare deny it 😉 .)
Happy weekend people!
And best of luck in every single one of your relationships.
I hope they let you keep and help you water your happiness.
(If You Liked Reading This As Much As I Loved Putting It Together, I’d Love To Hear Your Thoughts Through The Comments Section. It’s why I’ve made it easier to leave them — take a look below!
And I’d Also Appreciate You Sharing This Post Via Any Social Media Platform! Pretty please?
Plus, do stick around for the second part of this, where I’d write about the steps to go through when dealing with loss, grief and broken-beyond-repair relationships and recovery from all of it.)
Deliciously Yours To Savour,