| “If you don‘t have peace, it isn‘t because somebody took it from you, you gave it away.” |
–John C. Maxwell, Be A People Person.
Note: This is a 1600 words post. If you’d like the audio version (Podcast), it’s right here for the next seven days. If you would like the podcast after seven days, please leave me a comment and I would get it to you asap.
(This is an article requested by a dedicated and awesome reader of mine, Nife, asking if I could write a post on our competitive nature as humans and why most people naturally feel envy towards the successful ones and what to do about it all.
If you have a topic you would love to see me write about related to my niche, I would be honored to do so, please let me know!)
So, we all know to know who doesn’t have our back.
(Including the “frenemies” on our contact list too)
They don’t want the best for you and I, and we have to keep that in mind, because they’re headed for the same finish line we’re heading for.
Or standing in our way.
And so the competitors in our fields and around us are our competition.
Further Maths and Advanced Chemistry and Physics are competitions (for the parts of our heads reserved for not-so-freaking-tedious things).
An obsessed ex of your significant other, way prettier than you (so you think),that he’s still in contact with, is a a competition.
The one person who’s been winning “Staff of the month” and “Student of the year” is a competition.
The brains and beauty that naturally and unintentionally makes everyone else look small and feel uncomfortable is a competition.
We know them all. And our eyes are on them big time.
We love when they do something wrong, we hate it when they do everything right. They hold us back, they keep us back, they give us a headache and they are the reason we aren’t number one.
If you still operate under this mentality, you really are missing the bigger picture.
You Have No Real Competition Outside That Body Of Yours
The only opponent withholding you and scaring you, emerges from within.
We only just know how to create the alternative not-worth-our-while-but-we’d-focus-on-them-anyway versions (that look very threatening, no doubt).
And we make lots of them.
We know how to point fingers and roll our eyes and mutter the curses (or maybe only in our heads when we don’t want to get in trouble), but the real battle we should be focused on is going on right inside every one of us.
It’s where the envy that you feel when that person gets the raise you
wanted needed lies.
It’s where the anger that emerges when you didn’t do as well as they did develops.
It’s where the malice, the bitterness, the insecurities, the worry, the fear, all of it, is conceived.
They weren’t implanted by some random person, and they didn’t crawl in on their own, we gathered the seeds from outside, we planted and watered and gave them life, every single time.
And our emotions, our feelings, our reasoning mentalities, our lusts, are the biggest enemies to deal with.
They battle constantly to gain the upper hand, to rule us, to ruin us, and they need to be tamed.
(They could always use a little reminder about who’s Boss.)
(So, no. Don’t be Homer Simpson).
Give It A Rest On Competiting Against Anything Outside You. Let’s Do You First.
You know what I tell people, because I recently understood it myself?
Nobody would ever be able to take your spot. (If it really truly was meant for you).
It is never going to happen (and last). So they’re really not worth stressing over as much as we like to.
Nobody will ever be able to sit on your throne, take your true life partner, steal your friends if they really are your friends, earn your spot at school or work, take down your worth unfairly, you name it — no one.
(And even when they try to, there’s this fellow we call Karma I.e Cause of Law and Effect; he never fails to pay a visit to deserving hosts).
Stop worrying about where others are that you aren’t, stop comparing your achievements that look insignificant (in your eyes) next to theirs, focus on your business instead. For yourself.
Practice being happy for other people’s achievement if you never know how to be.
Compliment them for the littlest things at the most random times as frequently as you can.
(I’m not sure why this is so hard to see in today’s society; nothing bad would happen if you see what you want with someone else and you think they rock for getting it first, I promise.)
Help people as often as you can.
All of these help to kill pride and jealousy and all other negative energy.
And when you focus on yourself long enough, you start to not
see bother about whatever anyone is or isn’t doing.
And instead, you learn one smarter tactic:
Keep Your Friends Close, And
Enemies “Competitions” Closer
Start liking those “Competitions”.
Okay. Scratch that. Start loving them.
When we start to look at them as challenges
to overcome to help us overcome and not as stumbling blocks, they redirect our focus to the real battle.
So, months back, I grew a rather fat ego towards a friend that I watered and fed for a good while.
It was an ego that I was always ready to pin on this equally pompous persona as being the reason I had to be this way.
I mean, if he could act all proud like the most important here (and he sure knows how to), why couldn’t I?
I’m glad I stuck around this person for a long while; he burnt me out!
I had to shed all of it and force myself to adopt meekness.
It was exhausting!
I was focusing on him as my problem at first. But he wasn’t.
It was me who needed the work. I needed to see that it wasn’t a competition of who would text earlier who would apologize first — no matter who’s right or wrong, it was coming to see that that wasn’t necessary, because like someone said:
“There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience”.
Am I glad about it? More than I can ever explain.
That one single relationship has taught me humility for the rest of my life.
It forced me to become better, reason better, act better and grow out of a backward mentality.
He’s still egoistic as ever. Sorta. (I make sure he knows I know too).
But me? I love how he forced me to break that habit without even realizing it.
The competitions we so much like to focus on can actually be that which pushes us to want to evolve to a better version of ourselves, not a better version in comparison to them.
Not who does better between you both, but who looks better than their yesterday man.
You can keeping looking at them as a problem and your reason and your excuse it you can use them as the remedy.
“I deserve this just as much as that person too!”
” Why are they just so darn lucky?”
“Why can’t I get it too?”
Chances are, most likely, you’ve recently asked yourself one or more or other questions closely related to this.
Once again, you lost a battle and you believe the universe has wronged you once more as it enjoys to do.
Let’s look at this together and I’d try to convince you why you got it wrong:
Now, when they get those goodies that we swear should have been ours, there are only two ways it could have happened:
1. They went the hell after it
2. It came running towards them
Now, if they’d gone after it, and most times, you wouldn’t know how hard or smart, well we can’t really say much about it.
The part that gets our tongues wagging the most is when they didn’t, when they just got so darn lucky as usual.
Now when this happens, here is what I also recently found out for myself:
They Did Not Deserve It.
You don’t claim “deserving rights” on something you never worked for. (For Christians, this is how the concept of Grace works)
Don’t look at that as you deserving it as much as they did, they didn’t and neither did you. You deserve better.
If they could grab it that easily, don’t want it that badly. Really.
And finally, one last pointer as I wrap this up, in dealing with the real problem:
It’s Time To Get Acquainted With The Stop Signs
And when I say stop signs, I mean the real challenges, excluding the human beings involved.
That is, the reason you can’t seem to be as productive as you want to be to achieve those goals.
The reason you can’t focus at work or school as you’d like to, the reason any pretty girl 20 inches close is a competition and you automatically feel insignificant. The reason someone makes a joke about your hair in the presence of others and you are ready to commit murder.
Exclude the characters, answer the question why.
And don’t be scared to answer them as honestly as possible to yourself.
If there is one thing I urge you to take away from this article, it’s to remind yourself constantly that treating a disease from it’s root if you want a long lasting solution is the best approach to go, and it always starts from you.
So take down the Kingpin, and watch everything else become history.
Who else agrees with me?
If You Liked Reading This As Much As I Loved Writing It, Or Anything In Mind Really, I’d Love To Hear Your Thoughts Through The Comments Section!
Deliciously Yours To Savour,